Warrior Arrows

What to do when company comes.......

2012-01-26T16:44:00.000-08:00

Its been almost a month since our last post and much has happened in our family. The new year has brought a fresh perspective on life and raising our kids. While much of our blogging has been therapeutic for us, i.e., you got to do something with all this weirdness!, it has also tended to focus on our struggles. Today, though, we want to blog about the lighter side. Perhaps it is indicative of progress that we are beginning to get in touch with the humor again or perhaps it is a form of denial, where we are simply ignoring things to have a moment of laughter...after all, it is good for what ails you!

Recently, Karen caught a segment of conversation between Jeffrey, age 12, and the 3 younger boys. In the conversation, Jeffrey was providing some sage advice regarding family etiquette, based on his years of experience.

"Look guys, you should never show off when company comes. Don't go getting all your toys and showing them off. Always let the company start the conversation........"

At this point, Jeffrey has something of an ADHD moment and begins to digress into conversation regarding some unspoken company behaviors that have obviously bothered the poor child for quite some time.

"Of course, When they start the conversation, it always starts the same way......they always ask you what grade you're in! Why do they do that? Why is the first question out of their mouth always 'what grade are you in?'! Are you kidding me? Is that the best ice breaker you can come up with?! Seriously! Like a kid wants to talk about school?!"

By now, Jeffrey has obviously left his role as big brother and role model. He is now in full give-me-a-break mode, hoping that somehow he can alter centuries-long tradition that has guided the socialization of the young in North American families for time ad infinitum!

"Why do they never say something like, 'is that a new Kinnect?!' or 'what games go with your Wii?!' Jeffrey continues with a new found mixture of pleading, drama, and focus usually reserved for closing arguments in a court of law. "But noooo! They've got to always start out with, 'what grade are you in?!'"
By this time Karen is laughing and wondering where all this is coming from and the 3 younger boys have joined Jeffrey's brief tirade with lots of energy but not the foggiest idea what they are protesting!
One could say that Oppositional-defiant behavior has many expressions and is certainly alive and kicking in the Thomas household. But then I guess trying to form a family unit from scratch and the stresses that go along with the task has all kinds of way of oozing out of a human being. In the case of one 12 year old, it must have seemed easier to take a shot at tradition than to try to teach it!

As we say here in the south, Bless his heart! Until we talk again...

2011-12-21T04:25:00.000-08:00

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Will it Make Any Difference?

2011-12-10T11:05:00.001-08:00

Here we are approaching Christmas. Its been a year since we received our new children into our home. And what a year its been! I would have thought that Karen, the wonderful mother of 5, former preschool teacher and the queen of motherly instincts and myself, a clinical psychologist of 31 years, father and instructor would have been ready for their arrival and participation in our family. While the year is not lost, it has not been without turbulence and surprise!

A good friend of ours, Sandy Jones, wrote us recently a humorous story about her family experience as a young girl in upstate Michigan. Here's an excerpt from her email:

"[I] have this memory of going out into the woods in the snow to cut down our Christmas tree and my mom had hot cocoa and homemade cookies for us in the car. It seemed so magical. I thought this was a tradition for us for a few years. However, when I asked my mom about it she said we only did it once and it was awful. They had a terrible time cutting the tree down and getting it back to the car, it was freezing cold, and the car got stuck in the snow. Funny how a child and a parent can remember the same event so completely differently!"

Karen & I can only hope and pray that our children remember this first year as Sandy remembers that infamous family moment retrieving their Christmas tree because right now, we remember vividly how difficult it was to drag the tree out of the woods, freezing our caboose off and being stuck in the snow, i.e, assimilate these children into our home and lives!

Otherwise, as we end this first year, we reflect on it with mixed emotions. On the one hand, it often feels as though little progress has been made while on the other, we rejoice in God's hand and how He has blessed our hearts and home. In our worst moments we have tried to find His voice and guiding hand. It has actually been out of this desire to find Him that tremendous revelation has occurred. I recently spoke in Raleigh, NC at Rolesville Community Church where my good friend Steve LeRoux pastors a congregation. He had asked me to speak about our adoption experience and with great reluctance and hesitation, I did so (You can see a video of that message in its entirety at our website www.simplesolutions4.com). ; The remainder of this post is a summary of what Karen and I have learned the past year that without adopting, we may have never understood. There is an old saying "the devil is in the details" but we say that it is God that is in the details and that if we press in just a bit we begin to understand and appreciate the magnitude of who He is and just how crazy in love He is with His prize creation...you and me!

Lessons Learned from Adoption. It is always true that there are two separate but interrelated processes going on at all times.    Equally as true is the fact that events in one domain often mirror or run parallel to those in the other. Group therapists and leaders often refer to this phenomenon as "parallel process". It is like when one member is struggling with communications at work and now the group members themselves, finds themselves struggling to talk to each: two separate processes that are interrelated and mirror one another. This is often an extremely useful and powerful process to bring about change and usually positive changes in one domain effect the other in a positive manner. Futhermore, if you resolve conflicts in one domain you will resolve the conflict in the other.

Life itself operates on this "parallel process" principle.  On one hand, we have the physical, while on the other hand the spiritual. The two are separate entities but very much intertwined. One might say that the entire prophetic movement, both ancient and modern is built on this principle. In the Bible prophets shaved their heads, tied themselves up, ate donkey dung and shook all over while they ate and drank in order to demonstrate something in the natural and is going on in the spiritual: parallel processes that demonstrate one truth and changes in one trigger changes in the other. Jesus spoke of the same process when asked about the end times and His second return to earth. In Luke 21 he said to look at the trees and when they bud understand that the same thing is happening in heaven and its just about time for my return...2 different domains, one reflecting what is going on in the other.

Adoption as a parallel process of God's grace. I wish that I had a nickel for every time that Karen and I have looked at each other and said something to the effect that "when they [the children] do that, its just like when God says..." and then we complete the sentence. In other words, what we see in the natural, raw behavior of our children, mirrors something about what is truth in the spiritual domain. To understand this process has been a revelation to us: a revelation particularly of God's love, grace, and mercy to us all. We'd like to share a couple of those lessons that we have learned through our adopted children over this past year.

First, the degree of separation and detachment that they demonstrated was surprising. We were immediately taken back by the degree to which our adopted children lacked attachment, not to us (we expected that), but to each other. We assumed that their common history of hardship and just life together would have bound them together in a way that was not only satisfying, but also protective. What we found was 4 children who were not only detached from all others, but from each other as well. They had virtually no regard for each other and would consistently sell each other out in order to gain some type of advantage, i.e., food, attention, staying up later, etc. It was literally "every man for himself".

Likewise, Peter described all of us in a similar fashion (I Peter 2:10) when he said that we were "once not a people, but now we are a people". We were once going through life with no identity, no place, no relationship to others. We were simply on our own, doing our own thing, looking after our own interests. But then Peter goes on to say that we found something:  mercy. Mercy is God's unmerited favor and it makes us aware of others' needs and tolerant, maybe even compassionate, towards their shortcomings. The experience of God's mercy in our lives allows us to connect with others using the same technique that God used in ours: the giving up of one's own personal rights in order to love and connect with others in spite of their unworthiness for us to do so. Two separate domains and if you resolve conflict in one domain you will resolve conflict in the other. If we can understand how God demonstrated mercy to us, connected with us, perhaps we can do that with our disconnected children and they can in turn, do it with others.

There are many other lessons learned through this parallel process that have demonstrated the power, love and grace of Jesus in our hearts. I talked about some of them in that message Sunday morning and for the sake of length in this blog will not reiterate them at this time other than the last one. It is the principle of covenant participation in the kingdom.  As we approached finalization of the adoption process we asked the lawyer who was handling all the legal paperwork what exactly was the legal standing of our children after the adoption was finalized. His answer was terse and pointed:  they have all the same rights and privileges as your other children. There is no difference between our adopted children and our biological children. In other words, our adopted children have full, complete access to our "kingdom". Everything! They are now heirs and joint-heirs to all that is in our estate and kingdom.

That's the good news. Now here's the sad: they haven't got the slightest clue what that means! Our adopted children don't understand anything about our kingdom and fail to recognize that if they are playing by our rules and handling the inheritance well, they will have full run of the kingdom. Now look at parallel process. How many times have we missed out on blessings and provisions that our Father would like to send our way because we weren't following the rules or mishandling those things that he has given us? Remember the words of Jesus "if you are faithful in the small things and you'll get the larger (Luke 16)" and the fact that when we restrict our giving what comes back to us is in restricted form (Malachi 3; Luke 6:37-38)?

The idea of covenant participation in the kingdom recently brought to mind the struggles of Jesus in the garden. One of our biggest struggles this past year, particularly as it has approached the year mark, is the idea that we are in our middle age and is what we are doing going to make any difference. It is an agonizing thought when we have these moments of doubt that says we could very well give up this 15-20 years of good health, relative stability of days, and a low keyed home life for this current time of chaos, loud, animated and time consuming parenting...and for what? What if the outcome is that they gravitate toward the lifestyle from whence they came? What if they return to the life where disarray rules the day?

It is often presented that Jesus' struggle that produced the sweat of blood was the result of his cruel, barbaric death that would happen the next day. We always thought the struggle was coming to grips with dying. However, we now have a different understanding of the agony of the garden. What if Jesus, for just a minute, saw me in my worst moment...that moment when I was disconnected, self-serving, rebellious, defiant and unwilling to listen and He asked Himself a simple question...what if I do all this and it doesn't make any difference? What if I take the stripes on my back for his healing and he doesn't accept it? What if I am scourged for their deliverance and they don't receive it? What if I die unjustly for every single sin, just so they can walk, talk and even laugh with My Father in Heaven and they won't believe it?  Is what I'm doing going to make any difference at all?! We believe that was an agonizing thought. So much so that it generated a conflict inside of Jesus so great that He began to sweat the drops of blood. But here's the great part:  He did it anyway!  It was a demonstration of love that blows our mind and it parallels our calling as parents...we have resolved the issue in one domain (our spiritual adoption) and are applying to the other (our natural adoption)!

Until we talk again...

Russell & Karen Thomas

Family Moments

2011-05-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

To say that welcoming and assimilating four children, all under the age of 8 into our home at one time has been an adjustment, is like saying that a hurricane is a little windy: it just doesn't capture the magnitude of the event! As many of you know from our previous blogs, not every day has been filled with the ecstatic, euphoric and warm fuzzy feelings that one hopes to feel often and intensely in your family. But recently, we got one of those moments. A rare, we're-all-in-this-together, family event. And just what was this special moment? Jonah, the 2 year old, used the potty for the first time! It was a momentous occasion as all seven of us gathered in the smallest room in our house. There, in that 5x6 bathroom, the little fellow kept us spellbound for a period of time much longer than should have ever been the case. Let's break it down for a minute.

The event all began within the context of usual bedtime routine. This is that time each evening when dinner is out of the way and kids are generally doing anything and everything to avoid going to bed. The boys streak through the house, requiring multiple prompts to put on their PJs while bigger sister wanders aimlessly from room to room trying to instigate play amongst the troops. Mom and Dad are barking out orders and directives like a drill sargent, while Jeffrey tends to avoid the entire chaotic scene by immercing himself in his XBox games. But this night was destined to be different. In the middle of the usual pandemonium comes an excited little voice proclaiming "Potty, mommy, potty!" Ah, music to a mom's ears! Parents wait countless days for such words as family resources are poured into seemingly endless supplies of diapers and pull ups! Its amazing the joy that one feels over that one simple word "potty" uttered by a toddler clutching his crotch firmly with both hands while in desparate need!

But that one word set us in immediate motion. It was like a warning sirene going off on the deck of the USS Nemesis! "All hands on Deck! All hands on Deck! The two year old is going to the potty!" Ah-uuuu-Ga! Ah-uuu-Ga! Mom immediately grabbed Jonah by the hand and sprinted to the bathroom while busily instructing patience to a 2 year old and trying to wrestle his diaper to the ankles in haste. By this time, the news that Jonah was being fitted for seating on the upstairs throne spread throughout the ranks and in a flash the entire rank-and-file had gathered in the tiny bathroom. All 7 of us!

Jonah was hoisted to the throne where he commanded the attention of the entire family. But was it for real or just another delay in going to bed? The red-face, the puffed cheeks and the various grunts and moans were dead giveaways that this little fellow meant business. This was a determined effort to produce while under the pressure of skeptical siblings who were not yet convinced that he was indeed going to use the potty. "Are you sure, Mom?" Justice quipped. "I don't know Mom. I don't see anything", Judah stated as he squirmed around the backside of the toilet hoping to get a better angle. "Come on man, you can do it!" came the admonitions of Jeffrey who at this point had assumed the role as head cheerleader in this momentus occasion. At this point, the entire crowd followed Jeffrey's lead, breaking out in variety of cheers and chants, spurring the young tyke on to greater heights.

"He did it!" Mom announced! Judah, peering down the dorsal view, confirmed the sighting. It was one solitary rabbit-sized pellet floating proudly in roughly 3 gallons of water as the crowd now broke out in cheers and high fives! "See if you can do another one, Jonah!" Judah shouted! Jaden jumped into dad's arms laughing and for a moment, sharing in his brother's acheivements. While that was as productive as Jonah could get, we nevertheless broke out in a chorus of Luther Vandross' "One Shining Moment" and rehearsed the entire event for the next 30 minutes. Bedtime was now shot and it took us an hour and half to get things back under control. But, for that one shining moment, all the frustrations, fears, quirks and questions about our new children faded into that wonderful experience known as ...family! Its the experience defined by being together in close quarters, cheering on one of the gang on who is struggling, rejoicing in another's acheivement and sharing the joy of being together. All we can say is that it is the strangest things that bind us together!...

Russell (taking credit ...or blame, for the post) and Karen Thomas

Words For A Child's Life

2011-05-06T13:44:00.000-07:00

A child's life is a blank page.

What will the first words be?

Shut up!

Get out of my sight.

Go play.

Don't touch!

You, that child's parent, write upon

These words teach fear.

They register unwantedness.
They say, "I don't love you."

Let your words teach gentleness and beauty.

Let them supply high moral principles,

courage to meet life's disappointments,
pride in a job well done.

Use words that reflect your love:

Beautiful, son!

You did a great job.

Don't worry--we'll clean it up together.
I'm so proud of you!

When your child is grown, you will look at him

and see the words you wrote on that blank page.

Write words you will be proud of!

Author Unknown

There is one universal truth in this world: your words will determine the future. I am told that in every major religion in the world there is something in their teaching that reflects this principle. In Christianity, it is a central and essential life giving principle. God spoke the word and the world was created. Moses spoke the word and the Red Sea split, saving the Hebrew nation from certain annihilation. Jesus spoke the word and the centurion’s servant was healed. Paul turned and looked deep into the eyes of a tormented lady and spoke the word and her tormentors fled abruptly. Later, in Romans 4:17 he tips his hand, telling us he got the idea from God, for “He gives life to those things that are dead, and calls those things that are not as though they were.”

In parenting, the truth about your words and how they shape the life of another human being is paramount. Early in our parental careers we read an excellent book by John Trent and Gary Smalley called The Blessing. What is remembered about that book is the concept of painting “word pictures” for your children. The idea is to speak words of blessing over them in the form of a picture of their life. Its an awesome thought that a child’s destiny is so colossally determined by the words that they absorb so early in life. Where does a child get the idea that he is worth something in this world? Where does she gain the understanding that she does not have to compromise her standards in order to gain acceptance? Conversely, where does the child learn that he will never amount to much in this world? Where in the world did a 5 year old get the idea that he’s a holy terror (or unholy!) and an unwanted addition to the family?

Who writes these messages on a child’s hearts? Obviously, parents get first shot at it. Me, you and every parent in this world will speak into their child’s life. Will the child hear the sounds and voice inflections of acceptance? Or will it be words of rejection and that their life is one of intrusion and hardship? Its an awesome responsibility, perhaps the most awesome responsibility in the whole world. But even more, it’s the most awesome privilege in the whole world to think that God Himself, has trusted us enough to place such a powerful tool, not in our hands, but in our mouth!

But who else writes these messages on a child’s heart? Over the years we have been so aware of the words spoken to our children and have guarded their hearts from words that could have caused destruction. As parents, we took this principle of the spoken word very seriously. We have made tough, sometimes unpopular decisions to not leave them in children’s church, remove them from classrooms, and not visit some of their friends’ homes because we were wary of the messages they would receive while there. We made sure that those who were writing on our children’s hearts would be speaking words we knew would be productive and help them grow.

And what was the fruit of our efforts? We now have the advantage of hindsight as 4 of our children have hit their 20’s and see them acting on those words that have been etched on their hearts for years. In short and without squawking our pride too much, our older children are solid, love God, respect themselves and others, and contribute much to the Kingdom of God and society. Their lives were no accident. They were spoken in profound, positive prophetic ways from day 1…and we aggressively and unapologetically did everything we could to protect them from others who add negative, ungodly words to their cerebral processes!

We’re in month 5 now with our 4 new children. Its amazing the scripts that have already been written on their hearts and minds, even down to the 2 year old. Many of the words have been quite toxic and have generated significant hurt and disappointment. But, like a spring flower blossoming after a good soaking rain we have noticed that our new children respond to kind words, words of affirmation and reassurance, and a lexicon of acceptance and love. They begin to open up, hearts are merry, and emotions are healed as they leap (sometimes literally) with joy and excitement. It saddens us that 463,000 children are currently involved in the Foster Care system in the United States alone, about a third of which are available for adoption. Who is writing words on their hearts? Is it staff that are going home at 5:00 sharp? Is it the social worker? Or maybe the parents that failed to provide basic nurturing in the first place? Or is it the kids at school who can be so “innocently” ruthless on the kid living in a decent home, not to mention “the kid living in the shelter”? Or even worse, maybe it’s the 15 year old who’s also in Foster Care, who projects his or her lifetime of hurt and negative words onto the 6 year old housemate! Oh if people only realized the damage they can do with their words! And what a difference can be made with the right words.

Our task now is to rewrite those negative words and give these four children a positive, healthy future. The kind of future God intended for them from the beginning. What words can you speak in someone’s life today?

Boys!

2011-04-30T05:23:00.000-07:00

Raising boys is one of the greatest experiences one can have in life. Boys are full of energy, mischief, curiosity and LOVE! Who can resist a sweet, innocent boy, who may happen to be covered in mud at any given time?

They are also very responsible and love to learn to do lifeskills...that is, when they're not doing dog piles!

We raised three of our own. They are each 9 years apart but when they get together they become one age and enjoy each other and doing things together. Like wrestling, fishing, camping, and cooking. What fun to have cooking throw downs with these boys! Family gatherings make for great memories and awesome food.

We had so much fun and love with the first 3 so we couldn't resist and adopted 3 more boys! These three are each one year apart. WOW! It is like having triplets, but oh so fun...and never a dull moment! We also have four wonderful girls and I don't mean to leave them out but this post is about boys so there will be another time to show off the girls.

That leaves us with 4 boys at home and the boy fun is full and alive in our house. Whether its playing outside, crawling on dad's tractor...or lap...

or hanging from trees, working in the garden, conquering universes with their Star Wars light sabers,

swinging from tires,

or enjoying ice cream

never mind the chocolate on the white shirts!

cause its time for another dog pile!

there's enough love to go around as these little guys figure out life on the farm

and life in a new family with older brothers...

In the end, here we are! All 13 of us...and counting, our oldest son and his wife are pregnant

...with a BOY! (we think!)

There is no question about it, boys are a special breed. Their natural combination of curiosity, endless energy, and downright cuteness are irresistible and have brought much joy and life to our home through the years. We strongly recommend giving thanks for and hugs to the boys in your life today!

Managing your own need.

2011-04-09T11:58:00.000-07:00

Today brought an interesting devotion from the book of Proverbs. In the 25th Chapter, Solomon, the man credited with being the wisest man to ever live said these words:

It is not good to eat much honey;

So to seek one’s own glory is not glory [at all].

Whoever has no rule over his own spirit

Is like a city broken down, without walls.

One of the devasting effects of parental neglect is the development of narcissism. Psychoanalysist, Heinz Kohut, once spoke much about the development of narcissism. He concluded that everybody has a narcissistic need and that in normal development these needs are met through empathic parenting. Primarily through empathy, children develop the skill of self soothing, feeling safe, receive nurturing and develop a sense of well-being in this world. Without such parenting, narcissism basically goes unchecked, rules the day, and establishes an abyss of emotional need that demands satisfaction, i.e., its all about me, baby! Those around such a person often avoid contact, run for the exit doors or tend to counter the self-centeredness with rejection and in worse cases, become abusive in efforts to "tame" the narcissistic demands.

Kohut's theory never made more sense to me than now. We have seen first hand the emotional injuries of neglect and the resultant narcissism. It is one of the more difficult aspects of parenting children who have been neglected. Watching a child try to meet legitimate needs through narcissistic indulgence is painstakingly difficult and managing your own reactions is tricky. If you're not careful everyone loses. The child makes no progress in learning to meet his/her needs and the parents have just either avoided or scolded the child for their demanding behavior...thus, to seek one’s own glory is not glory [at all]. Solomon said it centuries ago. But he also tips us on how to meet those needs. It requires that you gain control over your spirit. We’re talking personal responsibility not only for making good choices, but for meeting one’s own needs in legitimate, healthy ways. To not do so leaves you without defense or protection, just as a city without walls is subject to invasion. When you are seeking your own glory, the possibility that you will be met with invaders is increased, resulting not in needs being met, but legitimate needs being plundered and even exploited. This explains why people who are sensitive to rejection seem to invite that rejection from others. Seeking your own glory opens up your soul like a broken down city without walls. You get whatever wanders up and enters in. Perhaps the sojourner is good for the city, perhaps he is not. Maybe the need is met, maybe the soul and emotions were exploited and frustrated one more time. However, the one who rules over his or her own spirit is not so. They let in what they know will be good for the city!

But then the question comes, "exactly how to do teach a child to rule over his own spirit?" Particularly a child that has experienced such disappointment and whose sense of well-being has been shaken to the core. To that we say, "stay tuned, we'll get back to you on that one!" We know it has to do with consistency, emphasizing personal responsibility from each child, the importance of the truth, unconditional love from parents and establishing meaningful relationships. Perhaps it requires other things as well. If you've got an idea, let us hear from you! We'd welcome the input! Until next time...

Life's Audible at the Line of Scrimmage.

2011-03-28T18:23:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of a football fan and I'm not terribly versed on the rules and lexicon of the game. I do understand that plays are called in a huddle, the team breaks the huddle and heads for an imaginery line draw across the field even with the football and that this line is called the "line of scrimmage". The quarterback then settles behind this great big guy who usually looks like for all the world that he's about to split out his pants and proceeds to bark out a bunch of nonsense "codes" and at some point in this strange sequence the guy who's about split out his pants snaps the ball back to the quarterback and the play starts. But sometimes the quarter gets real uncomfortable with what he sees across that line and he calls what is known as an "audible". This is when the quarterback decides to not go with the plan devised in the huddle and instead, switch the play right there in the middle of the action. This past weekend, life called an audible on our family and man did it turn out to be a winning play!

Annually the male types on our family have gone on our "Boys Club Campout". All the men and boys get together somewhere in the wilderness equipped with camping gear and plenty of good eats that are shared throughout the weekend, While the women and girls get together at our home for their own fun. We stand around a campfire much of the weekend, hike through woods and mountains, and generally give our best Daniel Boone impression before returning home to the women in our lives smelling like the great out of doors among other things! This weekend the event for the guys was to be held at a state park nestled in the Blue Ridge Mountains in upstate South Carolina. Our oldest son, Jason, went a day early to enjoy some R&R along with his 90 lbs German Shepard, Max. The rest of us guys got up Saturday and began our journey to meet Jason and Max for the weekend in the park. We were all en route when the phone rang. It was Jason letting us know that a heavy rain had set in, flooding the campsite, soaking everything he had, and that perhaps it wasn't such a good idea to follow through as planned. The "audible" was called and we decided to all invade the women folk back at our home in southeastern North Carolina. Throughout the afternoon car loads of rugged warriors waylaid by the weather arrived at our house.

Afternoon gave way to evening as everyone settled in to plan and prepare meals for what turned out to be 14 family members in our home. People were laughing, playing and enjoying the time together as the meal was being prepared. We realized that all of our children were present in our house, which is actually a fairly rare event. But our four new children along with the others we've been loving for years were all present. Including our daughter in law (who is with child) and our soon to be son in law. In that moment we realized that God had orchestrated a wonderful time for our family to enjoy. It was a "Little House on the Prairie" moment as we watched the new kids playing and interacting well with the older ones and the older ones enjoying one another as well as the new kids. All were laughing, playing and there was such a strong sense of well-being and safety that permeated the atmosphere of our home.

The teasing and talks of who prayed for the rain went on and on......Was it Jason, the devout Carolina fan who was going up against Kentucky on Sunday? or was it Russell, the devout Kentucky fan? Could it have been Chris, the soon to be son in law, joining the camp out for the first time? Rumors had it that there would be an initiation into the family :)...he certainly had ample motivation to pray this one a wash out! Or, was it Karen, who was supposed to be home with the four new kids for the weekend? Or maybe it was just one of those collective unconscious things that moved Heaven to intervene for the good of the entire tribe.

Whatever the cause, we could not have planned it any better if we had tried. Children gathered literally from all over the country, having fun, enjoying the magnanimous blessing of family and all the best that offers us and there was the blessed peace of God and deep down joy that comes when you know that the Heavenly Father is watching over His children with great satisfaction. The audible was called and the play generated huge gain. We look forward to many more such moments. Thanks to each of you for letting us share it with you today!

System Solutions vs Parental Solutions

2011-03-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

This is a long post, but an incredibly important one. We'd like to ask all our readers to please stay with us until the end. Throughout the adoption process there are various snags, snafus and sometimes, even landmines to navigate. The battle for orphans, their lives, their sanity, and their very souls can be intense. With older children, if its not intense enough just dealing with their undersocialized, unstructured and at times, unruly behavior, it often seems that there is this collision of idealogies that exists between the systems that are charged with the care of these children and the parental philosophies of those who accepted the challenged of providing a forever home and parents. We have encountered this collision of idealogies several times along the way while caring for our 4 new children.

One of those collisions occurred recently when we received an email from our social worker outlining a conversation she had with the social workers from the children's placing agency. Our social worker indicated that there is apparently a court order for the placing agency and other state personnel to have contact with us and the children each month. Additionally, we were informed that the children’s care plan allegedly calls for psychotherapy, play therapy and for some of our children, speech therapy. We have searched through our paperwork and could not find either the court order or a copy of the care plan. We saw a form that we signed obligating us to participate in a care plan development, but we have had neither participation in the plan and have not even seen the plan. This blog is intended not to bash the system or point out breakdowns in communication, but to express our ideas about the philosophy that drives these recommendations on the alleged care plan. That is to say we are opposed to involving the children in all these various services at this time for several very important reasons. We would like to express our ideas and what distinguishes them as parental ideas vs. system ideas of caring for children.

Our first idea focuses on the historical instability in the children's lives and the need for a strong season of stable bonding. These children have moved so many, many times and to the point that they expect to move again any day now. Every time we do our monthly post-adoption placement visits, our children's behavior regress unbelievably and it takes another 2-3 weeks, literally, before they settle back into a safe, secure routine. Their behavior screams (sometimes literally!) of the fact that nothing has been stable in their life. You can observe, sense and feel their anxiety, as they wonder if they will be removed from the home, because after all, in their worlds, that's what the social worker does...removes them from home and places them in a temporary shelter. They have been conditioned to an adult just telling them where they will be and taking them there. No explanation of their long term future, just that you're safe and will be fed today. Perhaps some of the placements have taken a shot at structure and instruction, but little investment in their long term welfare and destinies, if you will.

Don't get me wrong, there is value in securing a child's evening or day, but at some point that care plan needs to shift to the long term vision and destiny of a child. That requires concentrated effort that only comes through a bonded relationship. We have spent the first 90 days trying to bond with the children and getting them accustomed to responding to our voice. The children are responding positively to this approach and developing a parent/child relationship that they have never known. The process begs the question, Why do we want to introduce 1, 2 or more other voices instructing them right now? In my opinion, which also includes 30 years of clinical psychology experience, that idea does not make sense at this time and is not a parental solution, but rather a system solution. Let me explain.

The system is overloaded with children and in many cases there are no reliable caregivers, thereby forcing the system to take on the voice of a parent. One of the system’s best options to fill this “parental voice” is therapy. Whether it is psychotherapy, play therapy, speech therapy, primal scream therapy or all of the above! But what is the goal of such therapy? Where does it go? The standard answer is “to work out these issues” however “these issues” are defined. In my career I've written many of these treatment plans and signed off on hundreds more. The popular lines in the Individual Care Plan reads something like this:

BEHAVIOR: child becomes easily angered and frustrated, fights with others, is defiant with authority figures

GOAL: reduce angry outbursts from 10 times a day to less than 3 times per day

INTERVENTION: individual outpatient psychotherapy

And then the plan goes on to outline timeframes, who is going to do what, when, how often, etc. But we have to stop right here and ask an important question: If we are doing all these things in therapy, what in the world are the parents for?! The system responds with a "yeah, well the parents may not X,Y,Z, and even if they do, the therapy is designed to support what the parents are doing!" And to that I (Russell) say, "never kid a kidder!" I know what the deal is. And in most cases, the system is saying that because there is no parent doing the parenting and we (the therapists) assume the parental role of teaching, instructing, guiding both child and parent(s) if they will participate. We operate as if we are the one best shot at being a guiding, structured, i.e., parental voice in that child's life...and for good reason...many times we are! But this is not how life should be. I am quick to say that the system, which is subject to its own transitions, e.g., therapist moves, maternity leaves, or decisions to change careers and go into real estate, is a weak substitute for positive, consistent parenting. I know how the shelters, group homes and respite care facilities are staffed. Well meaning, good people, with big hearts of compassion who care about the residents…for 8 to 10 hours a day for 5 days a week, maybe 6 days if there’s no one else to fill the shift. They are generally minimally trained but usually supervised by a more educated individual…and this is the best case scenario...I don’t want to even talk about the worst! These people come and go, impacting the moment with safety and basic needs, but having little vision for the life of the child because after all, next week the kids may be placed somewhere else or perhaps a better job opens up across town, or perhaps one is just flat burnt out and needs a change of vocational scenery. The point is, this is in essence, trying to stop a hemorrhage with a Band-Aid! While it sounds like I am bashing the system, I assure you that I am not. I, of all people, recognize and know its strengths and weaknesses. When there is no reasonable option available to provide stable, responsible and enduring care, the system is the best option. However, when there is a reasonable option, the system should recognize its limitations in both practice and philosophy, back off and let parents do the parenting. To bring it back to our children, we do not believe that introducing more “parental voices” to them is in their best interest, especially at this time. It introduces “competing voices” and weakens or even interferes with, the bonding process between the children and us as their forever parents.

The second reason has to do with simple logistics. To place the four children in these services at this time means anywhere from 10 to 20 hours a week of time spent either on the road or in an office somewhere. This makes no sense to interrupt the children’s routine and structure in our home. We have established a consistent routine with the children and they are responding positively to such structure. We have noticed that any disruption in this routine, whether it’s a visitor, change in supper time or just doing something different, generates significant regression in behavior. Let a social worker show up or a phone contact with a former social services worker, and it literally requires weeks of intense supervision to return the children to the previous higher levels of functioning. To place the children in all of these services (1) limits our time with them developing bonding, and (2) disrupts routine and structure for the children. It is hard to see that the potential benefits of therapy is going to be greater than us being with the children and providing a consistent, loving and predictable environment for them. Again, if we saw that the potential benefits were greater than doing what we are currently doing, we would deal with that and certainly put the children in all these services. However, we are not currently convinced of such benefits.

So, the battle for the future and welfare of our children continues. It is intense and requires diligence, perseverance and patience. We'd love to hear from some of our readers. What are your thoughts? Maybe some of you have had experiences. What have those experiences been like for you? Drop us a line in the comments section. We have been greatly encouraged by many of you and your insights in the past. We'd like to invite you to give us more! Until we talk again...

Does it really take a Village?

2011-02-11T09:00:00.000-08:00

Does it really take a Village?

M. Russell Thomas, PhD

Taken from a full length article posted 2/14/11 to

www.simplesolutions4.com

We have often heard the phrase that “it takes a village to raise a child”. It is an old African proverb that suggests that children are raised best by a village of people who will help that child reach its full potential in life. I would like to take a moment to address this philosophy and with all due respect, vehemently disagree with basic tenets which underpin it. It is a philosophy designed by the father of lies and, while dressed up in sheep’s clothing, directly opposes the foundational truths of family.

Before I present my case, let me go into just a little history of the adage. It takes a village to raise a child allegedly has its origins in African culture. It originated from the Nigerian Igbo culture and proverb Ora na azu nwa which means it takes the community/village to raise a child. It is interesting that The Igbo's also name their children Nwa ora which means child of the community. Other African cultures have promulgated their own version of the proverb. For example, in Lunyoro (Banyoro) there is a proverb that says Omwana takulila nju emoi, which means literally A child does not grow up only in a single home. In another African language (Bahaya) there is a saying, Omwana taba womoi, which translates as A child belongs not to one parent or home. In Kijita (Wajita) there is a proverb which says Omwana ni wa bhone, meaning regardless of a child's biological parent(s) its upbringing belongs to the community. Finally, Swahili, Asiyefunzwa na mamae hufunzwa na ulimwengu translates similarly to that of Kijita.

More recent history on the proverb it takes a village to raise a child indicates that then, first lady, Hillary Clinton picked up the phrase and idea to write her 1996 book, It Takes a Village: And Other Lessons Children Teach Us. Ms. Clinton spun her political views regarding community, family and social structure based on this popular phrase. While I have not personally read the book, reviews of the book suggest that Ms. Clinton’s politics and the worldview that shape her politics, were (and presumably still are) similar to that of the African tribes. It is also noted that Ms. Clinton’s book became something of a political lightening rod, as several conservative politicians countered her ideas. For example, in the 1996 presidential campaign, Republican presidential candidate, Bob Dole is quoted as saying,"... with all due respect, I am here to tell you, it does not take a village to raise a child. It takes a family to raise a child." Nine years later, conservative Senator Rick Santorum wrote a rebuke to the book, It Takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good. Both politicians apparently understood the fallacy in Ms. Clinton’s philosophy and political ideology.

Now I’m not here to talk politics. But since adopting our four children, Karen and I have been presented with this same it takes a villagementality multiple times. However, its not in campaign headquarters, but rather coming from good, God-fearing brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ. We have cringed every time we heard these words. And before I go any further, let me say this is not to cast a judgmental stone at anyone. To my shame, I too, have used the phrase and perhaps at some point have given place to some of its ideas in my own life. But having had a sharp rebuke from God’s Spirit, I feel it important to bring this philosophy to Light as we hold its major ideological principles to the standard of God’s word. But to all our shame who are in the Body of Christ, promulgating this ideology is promoting Satan's agenda, which is to destroy family and vomit his plethora of lies out on our family and society. I'll tell you why Karen & I feel so strongly about this issue.

What are the major principles of the It takes a village philosophy? There are two messages immediately inherent in this philosophy that are designed to undermine parents and the family structure that our Creator has orchestrated to raise healthy, functional, and creative participants in this world. The first message inherent in the it takes a village philosophy is that parents are somehow inadequate, in and of themselves, to raise a child. The idea is that as a parent, you will need more than you and your family to produce a healthy, thriving adult. So everyone is ready to jump in and give your child what he or she needs to mature. Huh!? Now please show in the scripture where God ever said to parents, “I’m going to bless you with this child and you, your neighbor, the garbage man, the banker, and the mailman are going to raise it!” No, God said Children are heritage of the Lord like arrows in the hands of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of the youth (Ps 127:3). Again, in Proverbs 22:1 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old , he will not depart from it. The operative word there is “train”. This is an active, dynamic verb that indicates parental effort and involvement with that child. Not farming out that responsibility to every community entity that so eagerly await receiving a child into their particular philosophy and worldview.

The second message of the it takes a village philosophy is that you and I as parents, should relinquish our parental responsibility and authority to others. Or at best, that we should share that responsibility with others. Again, let’s bring this idea into the light of scripture and see how it holds up. Is there anywhere in scripture that says a parent should share their parental responsibilities and authority with others in the community? Absolutely not! There were times when parents made a decision that it was perhaps in the child’s best interest to be raised by someone else (Moses comes to mind), but again, when the angel appeared to Mary and Joseph did he outlined a plan whereby they would share raising Jesus with others? No, they understood that they had been selected to raise the most influential man of all history. The angel gave them of vision of this child and who he was to become and it was their sole responsibility to move him toward that destiny. Nowhere did the angel suggest this was going to be a village effort! But rather, biblical culture understood that the foundations of family where parents involved in the training and socialization of their kids. Paul said in Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3 for father’s not to provoke their children to wrath. I submit to you that fathers whose children are being raised by the village need no such instruction! This instruction was to fathers who embraced the responsibility of parenting and who bear the wait of raising healthy children.

I’m going to stop right now and point you to read the rest of this article in its entirety next week. It will be posted on our websitewww.simplesolutions4.com by Valentine’s Day. I will simply conclude by expressing my concerns about how this philosophy is creeping into the Body of Christ. It is a subtle sabotage and undermining of the Biblical foundations for family and raising healthy children into thriving adults. But until we talk again, we thank you for reading and following our blog.

Bonding and attachment

2011-01-25T13:12:00.000-08:00

Our new kids have been with us a month now and today is one of the more difficult blogs to write. I'm not sure if I'm writing as a psychologist or father. I suspect some of both. But in the spirit of transparency we will try to convey to our blog readers what its like to receive a sibling group into your home with a background of moving from placement to placement throughout their lives. We will now try to describe what we have observed as one of the most devastating impacts of neglect on a child.

One of the biggest surprises to us is the degree of "disconnect" our children have from others. Otherwise put, the degree to which our children are deficient in their ability to attach, bond and empathize with others has caught us a bit by surprise. When a child is neglected, a very deep, entrenched feeling of "my caretakers are not there for me" develops and behavior emanates from this core conviction that "I must take care of myself because nobody else is trustworthy enough and can be counted on to meet my needs". The behavioral result is surprisingly devoid of empathy and awareness of others. It is our constant chore to maintain order when toys are ripped out of each other's hands or when unkind words are spoken that seem to be designed to generate space and distance in relationships, i.e., make sure nobody gets too close, because after all, when it comes down to it, nobody is trustworthy and we're just one more behavior away from another placement. When one child is praised for something, often another jumps in to try to "steal the spotlight", leaving the other child screaming in order to regain the attention. We expected the bonding to be slow with us but we thought they were bonded to each other as siblings and that is not the case at all. They are not bonded to any one. I can only imagine what life must have been like for a baby that had no one to count on. What goes through a little childs mind when they are not nurtured and they have no one to connect to? What leads them to disconnect from everyone when by nature we are designed to connect?

Its easy to see these behaviors as defiance and/or rebellion. We have come to a different conclusion. The bruised heart of a child isn't that much unlike the new child of God. God constantly pleads in scripture for our trust and confidence in Him. He reminds us in Hebrews 13:5 that "He will never leave us or forsake us". It is one of the most primative, basic needs of a human being to be connected and cared for. When that need is frustrated and injured, the impact is profound. Relationships are suspect, connections are only for the purpose of obtaining something, and a self-absorbed, egocentric way of life rules the day.

Now here's the good news. The heart of a child is vulnerable. It remains vulnerable to the warm embrace that assures that everything is all right and that mommy and daddy aren't going anywhere. It takes some time to cut through the insulation that defiant, self centered behavior provides, but beyond that behavior is a heart that screams for the assurance that care and nurturing are in place and predictibly consistent. We are just beginning to scratch the surface of this protective layer of disconnect. We have found the general rule of thumb seems to be the older the child, the more entrenched they are in their "disconnect". The task isn't that much different than sharing Jesus with adult. For some reason, we all seem to have these protective disconnects that hamper our intimacy with God. Like Adam and Eve, when they perceived that their Heavenly Father was not providing fully for them and decided to take matters in their own hands, so is the nature of a child. Whether parents or preachers, our task is to love with a love that is so predictible, so compelling, so consistent, that disconnect melts and meaningful, stabilizing relationship rules the day. It is in this context that people grow and thrive beyond all they ever thought what possible for their lives.

Congrats! to Chris and Jana!

2011-01-10T07:07:00.000-08:00

We have been busily blogging about our journey of adopting, but there is more to our life than just our 4 new children. A wonderful story has been unfolding in the life of our daughter, Jana. To her we give a big shoutout this morning. Why? Because it finally happened for her. She is officially engaged to be married! Chris made it official last night with his own customized serenade just for Jana, followed by a proposal and ring. While we knew in our hearts this was coming, the official announcement was sweet and special. Chris is a wonderful young man who we welcome with open arms into the family. But beyond the festive moment, their story is one that bares telling. It is a testimony of God's sovereignty and kindness guiding 2 people through life until those lives managed to cross paths at the appointed time...the kind of stuff that make for wonderful "chick-flick" kinda movies!

Here's their story in a nutshell. When just a young teen, Jana embraced the idea that she need not entangle herself with the standard routines of dating. The idea of dating because everyone else is doing it or for whatever reason seemed credible on any particular day didn't appeal to her. The idea of putting her heart out there to some pimple-faced kid (ok, ok, that's a father talking!) who would only squash it and then practice breaking up for some reason just didn't strike a cord. Instead, Jana made a quality decision to guard her heart by placing it squarely in her Heavenly Father's hands. There and only there, would her heart be safe as she waited for Him to bring her the man who would cherish it the same way that He has done for her all through her life. Jana has waited patiently and God has finally brought that man into her life.

On the other hand, Chris also made the same quality decision to not date until he was ready to find his wife. Unlike many teens, Chris made a decision to respect his parents, listen to their wisdom, and protect his heart as well. Life ran its course, Chris waited patiently, involved himself in ministry, work and building strong, supportive relationships that would encourage him in his spiritual, emotional, vocational and mental growth. In the process, Chris was able to focus on learning the lessons that would prepare him for this next season of life, mature as a young man, and serve others without the entanglement of "dead-end" relationships. God has rewarded his decision with a beautiful young woman who loves him, God and will make him a wonderful help mate in life.

Some may look at Jana and Chris' path and question it, maybe even consider it "Old Fashion" or antiquated ideology. To that I would say "poppycock!" The truth is, there is not a one of us that doesn't wish that we had entered the wonderful bonds of matrimony minus the scars and bruises of prior relationships. Again, the truth is, these 2 will enter their marriage without much of the baggage that most will carry entering the bonds of matrimony.

In addition, the entire process of waiting has built character in Chris and Jana that will serve them well to make a successful marriage. Think about it, what does waiting do for one's character? Ok, first there's the ability to deny self and yield to another, in this case, yield to God's will and timing. Second, relationship boundaries are developed. I know that Jana had opportunity to date and see what guys were like had she chosen to do so. But in not doing so, she established boundaries with men that will serve to protect her marriage in the future. Same with Chris. Third, Jana and Chris know what it is like to maintain joy while waiting for something you want. Whether its a spouse, or a car or a house or a child, waiting can wear on your joy and peace. The ability to maintain your joy in the midst of such wait is an incredible attribute to bring into a marriage. Do you see how, in Chris and Jana's decision not to date until God sent their mate along, they have already built valuable skills into their relationship? Anyone who's been married and is not psychotic would agree that some of the most important virtues that make marriage successful is the ability to defer to someone else, maintain boundaries in relationships outside the marriage, and release your joy and contentment while waiting for a desire to be fulfilled. There are many more virtues developed but we'll stop here.

In closing, this part is for Jana and Chris. I know Chris' parents would join Karen & I in saying that we are incredibly proud of you guys. You did it right! We know that God has a wonderful plan for your lives together and we look forward to watching it unfold...as well as grandbabies (in a couple of years)! The two of you are wonderful example of trusting God and reaping the beautiful harvest of a "desire fulfilled is a tree of life". We love you and pray God's continual blessing on your lives.

TRANSITIONING OLD TESTAMENT KIDS INTO NEW TESTAMENT SONS AND DAUGHTERS.

2011-01-07T12:24:00.000-08:00

I sit down to write this blog today having attempted to do so many times this weekend. To say that our 4 new children have created a new environment around our house is like saying Bill Gates has alot of money...it just doesn't capture the enormity of the situation! Its been a stretch and at my age even stretching can be dangerous! But in the midst of our chaos has been strength, new wisdom, an increase in our communication, and even revelatory moments. I'd like to take a moment and share one of those moments.

Our new children are energetic, cute, lovable and exploratory. Unfortunately, their energy often couples with their lack of understanding of boundaries, limits and respect for each others, creating unique and frequent meltdowns and mini crisis. Their history of neglect and multiple placements lends itself to a plethora of issues including a very limited understanding of limits and boundaries, not to mention, basic issues of trust and safety. I will be writing more as a psychologist on my website in the coming weeks (www.simplesolutions4.com) about some of these issues, but for now, I write as a parent along with Karen in order to describe what its been like to parent these 4 children over the past few weeks.

One of things that I noticed earlier this week was the response or lack thereof our children have to us. We noted a major difference in the response of our 11 year old to us, who we have had since day one, compared to the four children we now have. Our 11 year old responds to us because he understands our love and commitment to him. In other words, we have relationship with him. The other 4 have no experience base with such a relationship. They do not respond to our voice because they do not yet have a safe, secure, trusting relationship with us. God had the same problem with His children when they broke relationship with Him and the result was the Torah, or law. In essence, God was saying "Let me set the standard for behavior; however, it won't be enough. It won't heal your heart and it won't restore you to me." We have expereienced a similar "laying down of the law". It is behavioral management by law, i.e., parenting Old Testament kids...and we know that while it may give some semblence of order in our home, it won't be enough to heal their bruised hearts and calm their deepest anxieties. Old Testament kids understand the law while somebody is looking, but what happens when no one is looking? Is there a heart connected to the father (and mother) that beats with their standards? Do they consider consequences if the law enforcement is not observing them? Of course not! Behavior regresses to a different standard dictated by an inner fear and self-centered desire.

Do understand that these Old Testament kids are not there by their own choosing. Shelters, foster cares, temporary placements, even school, all have their rules. If you're a child going from place to place, you're not learning to love a person, you're simply learning to play by the "house rules". There is no attachment, no loving oversite, no comfort when hurting...just rules to follow. And following rules is everything. It gets you TV time, trips to McDonald's, and maybe an occasional kudo from the case worker...but the deepest need for love, care, attachment and belonging go untouched. The expectation is not for the feeling of inner comfort and security, but simply to stay out of trouble. Anxiety stays at a heightened level, always wondering if you're in good standing or even good enough for the caretakers. Such environments are in crisis management and behavioral containment mode as a way to manage dysfunctional and ineffective behavior. The product is an Old Testament kid.

Let me explain the Old Testament kid further. God has made it abundantly clear to us as humans that His desire for us is relationship, intimacy and fellowship. It was the heart of a father trying to connect with His creation. But then man had this little thing called "free will" and consistently chose to disobey and break that fellowship. The result was the passing down of the law that included animal sacrifices and all kinds of mandates. Man uses these things in an attempt to manage behavior and the result is religion characterized by laws, inability to measure up, and a notable lack of heart connection.

But God's heart didn't give up. He had a plan to bridge this gap. Its a sacrifice that doesn't just attempt to manage behavior so that we are good people, but a plan to pierce the heart and restore the wounded heart to Him. A plan to institute relationship that scratches the deepest itch of need...the need to connect, feel safe, secure and belong. A need for a selfless love that empties out safety into the emotional tanks of its recepient. Needs that somebody is fully invested in your best interest and welfare. What greater demonstration of that investment than to die for another? It was that kind of act that restored it all. Now behavior is motivated by love and respect, not mandated by law. It is the creation of New Testament sons and daughters. Anybody can be a kid. You only need be born and exist with breath in your body. But a son or a daughter, now that's a different story. A son or a daughter is identified by the parents that love them and the family in which they grow. A son or daughter carries the brand of the family, otherwise known as the family name, which tells them that they are loved and belong. A son or a daughter is known by the mother and/or father that tuck them in at night and provide a loving environment in which for them to reach their full potential.

The cry of the orphan, the cry of every child who has gone without parents or been neglected, is not for law, but for love. It is not just a mandate or restriction on behavior, but a healing of the bruised and insulated heart that once healed, generates a different kind of behavior. That only comes through New Testament son and daughership made possible through relationship. Our task is to transition Old Testament kids into New Testament sons and daughters.

REVERSE THE CURSE!

2010-12-28T06:32:00.000-08:00

Feelings are such a fickle thing. One minute they tickle your fancy and the next they shake you at the core of your being. Adoption can stir them like a whisk stirs a cake mix! Its been a little over a week since we received our 4 new children. What a week its been. We are feeling the need to be transparent about our adoption on this blog, knowing that many readers are either (a) parents thinking about adoption who need to understand some fundamental truth and emotion around adoption, or (b) already adoptive parents who will know when we are “shooting the bull”! So for better or for worse we’ve decided to make our posts as transparent as possible without violating focus on the reason why we did this to begin with: the deep, abiding conviction that God is calling His people to care for and win an enter generation of orphans for the Kingdom of God. No matter what happens we are very much aware that we are simply “pinch hitting” for God here on earth with our children.

With that said, let us try to sum up our first week. There are certain words that come to mind when we think of this week: chaos is one. Overwhelmed at times another. Other descriptors include perpetual energy and perpetual crisis. Yet others include needy, crying, broken keepsakes, interruption, screaming, stubbornness,and movement (lots of it). But then there are some smiles, occasional moments of contentment, and laughter.

The reader may wonder at this point why in the world would anyone want all of this? It’s a legitimate question. We have asked ourselves the same question. In fact, yesterday in my prayer time (driving in my car to an appointment) I (Russell) found myself a little overwhelmed, despairing and maybe even a little self-pity about the situation. I asked the Lord to refocus me on why we did this. That refocus came last night while reading Spirit of Adoption by Randy Bohlender. He brought out an interesting point about the very last words in the Old Testament in the book of Malachi, which just happened to precede 400 years of God’s silence. Those words tell us that before that great day of the coming of the Lord that the hearts of the fathers would turn to the children and the hearts of children would turn toward the fathers. But as Randy points out, there were a few more words tacked on to the end of this prophecy. “Lest I strike the land with a curse”. The Old Testament ends with this beautiful prophetic picture, but also with a warning.

We chose to enter adoption because we felt the call to do it. We knew that the process would require battle and to some extent, we knew the process of raising the children would require battle. Every time one of our new children, ages 2,3,4 and 7, ask us “Are you going to take us back to the shelter?” we understand the battle all over again (its been a common question this week). It’s the same question that many of us Christians ask our Heavenly Father: Are You going to disappoint us all over again? Is it when I yell and scream? Or maybe its when I don’t do what I’m told. Or maybe its just because I’m too difficult, unlovable and needy that will send me back to the shelter this time. It’s a question coming from the innocent, but war-torn, broken spirit of a child that wonders if there is anything in this world that can be trusted. We have the chance, no the privilege, to answer that question with a resounding “No. You’re not going back to the shelter. You are with us now forever!” Its the same answer God gives His children: No, you're not going back to darkness, no man can pluck you out of My hand now! (see John 10:29).

Over the next few weeks we will be making some candid posts about what its like to adopt 4 sibling children at one time all who function on a social, emotional and behavioral age of about 2 years old. We promise that we will be open, for better or worse, richer or poorer, about the pros and cons of such a decision. We recommend that all Christians become involved in adoption is some tangible, direct way. Start by reading Randy’s book Spirit of Adoption. We must reverse the curse!

We close this blog with a request. If you are reading this blog and are blessed or in any way touched or affected by it, we'd love to hear from you. Please leave us a comment and let us know who you are and where you're from, and your thoughts. Perhaps you have been through adoption and have a story to tell. We're all ears! Just leave us a note!

God bless you!

Finally arrived!

2010-12-20T07:10:00.000-08:00

FINALLY! Waiting for 9 months for a newborn baby was a piece of cake compared to waiting for our 4 new children! But like the delivery room, when you hold that newborn baby pain is quickly forgotten. Yesterday, our four new additions to our family arrived. If this were football, they'd call it a "broken play". Waiting on paperwork, missed flights, much later than anticipated, and one big Christmas party were all part of the moment. We had planned to have them well before today but God's timing is always impeccable as 20+ people arrived at our house only a few short hours after our children. In fact, it wouldn't be surprising if many of the guests passed the social workers as they sped back to the airport to catch a late afternoon flight back to their hometown!

But the scene was beautiful. The social workers called when they were but a mile or two away from the house. Jeffrey (our 10 year old) decided he would stand on stump of our recently fallen oak tree in the front yard. As the social workers were looking for the house they inadvertantly passed by but would received some assistance from the kids: "You missed it! You missed it! You missed it! There's Jeffrey! Go back, go back!"

When they turned around and got back we could hear them screaming in the car when they came down the driveway :-). Before the vehicle came to a complete stop, The oldest girl and boy literally jumped out of the car and ran to us, immediately referring to us as "Mom" and "Dad". Karen quickly got the 2 year old out of his car seat while the 3 year old got stuck in his car seat due to some mechanical malfunction with the seat belt. He was getting irritated that he couldnt get out, mostly fearing that his siblings were gaining an edge in seeing their new rooms first! They immediately wanted to see their rooms and when they did you could see the delight on their faces. The boys proceeded to take out every toy in their room and play with them. While snapping a number of pictures for the records, the social worker uttter the words "ya'll were REALLY ready for them...this is great". The paper work went fast and then the 2 social workers wisked away in order to return to the airport by 4. The good byes were quick as the kids continued to be enthralled with with their new home and in particular, their new toys! They hadn't eaten lunch yet and it was already after 2 so we took the easy way out and got them mcdonalds. There was an attempt to get them all down for a nap but excitement trumped fatigue and only the 2 year old nodded off.

Even as we were attempting the whole nap thing, family and guests were trickling in for the party. There were over 20 people in the house and alot of activity ensued. We weren't sure how all the stimulation would effect the children but they fit right in. They played, ate and acted like they were part of the family since day one. Each acted as if they never meet a stranger and blended in with whoever was here. Our oldest daughter's fiance and his brother brought his guitar and played Christmas music. As we all sang traditional Yuletid tunes, the kids sat amoungst us and listened. To our surprise, they were amazingly so calm during that time. We wondered if they had ever been around anything like that before but each seemed to enjoy the moment as they sat on laps and felt the warm embraces of new mom, dad, grandmothers, grandfathers, sisters, brothers and friends. Karen said it felt like the scene in the movie "While You Were Sleeping" when Lucy (played by Sandra Bulluck) goes to the family Christmas dinner and even though there's all this activity and even chaos, feels for the first time the family she never had. If the moment had been a movie they would have zoomed in on each kid and narrated their thoughts. At the end of the party when everyone was leaving, Justice (7 year old girl) gathered all the punch cups and asked if she could do dishes. She did and was so proud of it...and Karen was too! I asked why she was washing the dishes and she replied, "I just wanted to help mom, she's worked so hard today".

The evening came to close with friends and family saying their goodbyes and Karen's parents sharing Christmas gifts with the children. The 4 year old boy opened his Buzz LightYear figure and instantly proclaimed "this is the best toy ever!" Later, as I got the boys down for bed, Karen spent some time with Justice, where she gleefully sported her new PJs. She wanted to open her new Barbie doll and in a few minutes she softly said to Karen "this was the best present ever". Karen thought she was refrerring to the Barbie and wondered what exactly the doll meant to her. But then Justice clarified and asked "do you know why?" And when Karen responded "why?" she simply said "because I got a family".

The special moments continued this morning when Judah awakened to tell Karen that he had a dream: "I dreamed about being in the shelter". Then he quickly added, "I like this place alot better!"

Words cannot capture the plethora of "special moments" that were packed into the evening. From Justice's "I got a family" to Jaden's "I like you dad!" to Judah's "mom, I was dreaming about the shelter and I like this place alot better!" it was a special time. In looking back over these first few hours with our new children I am again reminded of the Kingdom of God. Jesus said "let the children come!" as He hoisted one up on His lap as the words rolled off His lips. It is a wonderful thing when a child finds his or her home. It reminded me of the verse in Luke 15 when Jesus spoke of the scene in Heaven when somebody finds their Heavenly Father and family: there is joy in the presence of angels [when one finds their Heavenly Father]. As I watched our 4 new children enjoy all the benefits of family, I could not help but think about all the Heavenly benefits that we enjoy as part of God's family. We are so abundantly blessed. While some people get to talk about what the Kingdom of God is like, we got to see, first hand, what the Kingdom of God is like. Friends, family, kids, all together, rejoicing in the His presence, flourishing in the connections that support and bind us together. This is life at its best! We are so thankful to all of our friends, family, children (the older ones), blog readers, and everyone else that have supported us and blessed us along this journey of finding our children. The best is yet to come!

Christmas gifts

2010-12-12T16:53:00.000-08:00

"The only thing left is to finalize the flights and buy the tickets" the social worker said on the other end of the phone. We've been waiting for so long and the day is finally here. Within the week, we will have our 4 new children and all of a sudden the struggles along the way seem to fade as we busily prepare for their arrival, as well as the holidays. Karen is busy with holiday shopping and last minute preparations while Russell is working around the clock to remodel a bathroom. Right now, we're a little numb from the process and even more overwhelmed with the last minute preparations. But the excitement is hard to contain and we can't wait to receive these precious gifts into our home in time for Christmas. We'll write a little more later in the week. Until then...

Our Visit

2010-11-23T07:51:00.000-08:00

We have just returned from our trip where we met our 4 new children. Words cannot express the experience of meeting these 4 precious kids and the journey that we have taken in order to find them. Some of that journey has been chronicled on this blog and it is only fitting that we try to convey the experience of meeting them for the first time. Keep in mind, we have a girl age 7, and three boys, ages 4, 3 and 2. Let me set the scene for you a little bit. We spend 2 hours in a room with 8-10 workers who have cared for these children off and on over the past few years. While we are enjoying hearing about the kids, we are chomping at the bit to meet the kids. We are ushered to a place where the children have been cared for over a number of months and then further escorted into what appeared to be a small playroom with a one-way mirror streching completely across one of the walls. There are a few toys, games and a small table in the middle of the room, as well as a couch. We take a seat on the couch while one of the workers instructs us to remain seated while she goes in the back to get our children. The tension is mounting as we anticipate this much awaited moment. A few moments slip by and then we begin to hear children talking in the distance. Their voices are getting louder and it is obvious that they are making their way to us. The voices get even louder and it now approximates some kind of kid tsunami pressing toward us. The door swings open and the four children, led by the eldest, come running into the room with their arms wide open and smiles on their faces! It was a special moment that was both wonderful and awkward. Their excitement gave way to pure, unbridled energy running untamed throughout this small room. Games began to fly off the shelf, cupboards were emptied of stuffed animals and the 2 year old took to climbing up the furniture faster than we could introduce ourselves! In a matter of minutes we were caught up in the pandamonium and found ourselves in "clean and safety" mode. All the time the workers, now seated behind the one-way mirror, observe the interaction. This went on for the better part of an hour or two. The time in the room gave way to the suggestion that we take the children to dinner. We had already determined that we would take the 4 children to Chuck E Cheese's and turn them loose...a decision we came to question some hours later.

Now fast forward to Chuck E Cheese. Thank God we had our 22 year old daughter Julie, Karen's parents and Jeffrey (10 year ) with us. We hit the door with these children and off they went like a squirrel tanked out on caffeine! They went from one thing to another faster than any human being could possibly shadow. We decided to not try to keep up with any one of them and instead surround the perimeter with a zone defense of sorts. That is to say, we shouted across the game room warning each other that one of the children was about to enter their zone so they were now responsible for them! This went on for 2 hours and the little tykes were like Everyready Bunnies...they just kept going and going and going. More than once I asked myself what we had gotten into. As Julie said at one point, she felt like she should go to the management and explain what was going on. But when you've harkened to a Higher voice and leading, He shows up not only to calm your fears but illuminate your path. We'd like to share that illumination if you will indulge us a moment.

As I (Russell) watched these children running completely unrestrained, undisciplined, loud and totally hyperactive across the game floor at Chuck E Cheese, I was reminded of a story told by one of my mentors in psychology. Her story was one of a man who got on a subway train in New York City with 7 children. He quietly assumed his seat while his 7 children rain wildly throughout the subway train, jumping on seats, hanging from the windows and screaming loudly. All the time the man just sat there quietly and seemingly oblivious to his children's behavior. Finally, a passenger who was obviously irritated with the children's behavior and the man's lack of discipline, stood up and approached the man. In the most judgmental of ways, the passenger began to scold the man for his poor parental skills and apparent indifference to his kids' behavior. All the while the man never responded or even acknowledged the passenger's words which further escalated the tension and agitation. Finally, the passenger blurted out in pure frustration, "What are you thinking? What's the matter with these barbaric kids?!" The man slowly raised his gaze and replied, "We just came from the hospital where their mother just lost her 2 year battle with cancer". Nothing else was said as the passenger returned to be seated.

John 7:24 Do not judge according to appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.”

Our knee jerk reaction, as humans, is not so much unlike that of the passenger. Its easy to pass judgment when you don't know the circumstances. We understood where our children were coming from even if the other patrons didnt. The next day we took the children to the mall. First stop was build a bear where they each made their own bear and kind of took over the store like a whirlwind and then to ride the carousel and eat dinner. All the while getting strange looks from everyone who passed by us. The children spent the night with us at the hotel and we all went down for breakfast the next morning. Again, they come in with so much energy and excitement at everything they do and again we get the strange looks and feel the judgments glaring at us. By the second morning in the hotel, the kids knew their way around and knew what they wanted for breakfast. As we all sat eating together, a lady approached me (Karen) and told me about her sister who had 6 kids and is pregnant with her 7th. She shared that she only had 3 and stopped at that. I knew the unspoken part of the woman's inquiry as the kids went whizzing by in a blur. It would have been easy to share why we were there and explain the energy the kids had. But instead of responding with defense, I simply said, "I have 9". The lady didn't have much else to say and Julie noted the surprise in the eyes of our new 7 year old daughter as she heard my response. It was if she knew the routine: somebody trying to explain her behavior and in the process distance themselves from her lack of social grace. Instead, maybe for the first time, she had felt the warm, gentle embrace of acceptance in her life that each of us human beings long for. I had to think that maybe God feels that way about us at times. Maybe He would like to explain our behavior or say "give them time, they will adjust" or maybe he would like to say to the church that is passing judgment on a new christian that they are new to this and need some love and acceptance. He doesnt explain us, He doesnt distance himself from us, He accepts us! Just as we are.

God uses all kinds of things to reveal His kingdom to a man or woman. Whether its parting a sea or calming a storm or spitting in some dirt so that He can make a mud pie that heals blind eyes, He will find a way to speak a language that you can hear. For us, He continues to use this miracle process of adoption to reveal His kingdom to us. As we drove some 20 hours back from seeing our new children, we wondered if God isn't a little like we were watching these little children jet propel everywhere they went? We wanted to gather these children, who have never known the stability of a home, in our arms and just say, "You don't need that behavior anymore. You're found, you're loved, you're safe and you don't need to wonder or stress about where its coming from. We've got you now, you're home!" All of us have spent our share of time running through life wondering where its coming from...the love, the security, even the next resource to pay a bill when all along God had us in His sites saying, "You don't need that behavior anymore, you're found, you're loved, and you're safe with Me!" Its what Jesus was trying to show us when He said, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." He didn't say stop running around or clean up your act, He just said "come". We so look forward to our children joining us very, very soon and see how God shows up to meet all our needs as individuals and as a family.

Time is drawing near

2010-11-15T06:06:00.000-08:00

Today we put the finishing touches on rooms, yard and home in anticipation of receiving our children very, very soon into our home. The excitement of meeting mid-week has us in a certain "final phase nesting response" over the past few days. We cannot hardly stand the wait much more and even though its a reality upon us, the entire thing seems a bit surreal right now. We will try to blog throughout the week as we come face to face with our 4 newest children!

"I'm getting my forever family!"

2010-11-11T06:00:00.000-08:00

We are so excited that we could not sleep last night. The children have been told about us and their reaction was so overwhelming, particularly the oldest…”oh! I’m getting my forever family!”, she said. She wanted to know everybody’s names and what her room looked like. It was hard to fight back the tears. There was such a strong parental instinct that something of great value had just been found. All the struggles that we’ve encountered along the way gave way to an overwhelming feeling of joy and excitement that children had just “found their way home”. Later on in the evening we again became overwhelmed with a simple thought: how we felt in that moment of hearing of the joy of a child who had found her home was exactly how our Heavenly Father feels when someone finds their way home to Him! For a brief moment, feeling the heart of God toward His children, we see God revealing a fundamental truth.... Adoption is not just about giving a child a bigger room, a nicer meal or better clothes, it is an expression of God’s heart....It is a living, breathing, manifest representation of what happens when a man, woman or child finds his or her way to their Heavenly Father....there is a Heavenly joy released as the Father welcomes His created child into His arms. Adoption is the tangible expression of what Jesus was trying to communicate to His followers in Luke 15:10 when He said "Likewise, I say to you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents."

2010-11-07T05:59:00.000-08:00

This morning we sit here planning our trip to meet our 4 new children for the first time! While waiting continues to be difficult, we have been busy preparing rooms, remodeling bathrooms, and working in the yard. It is a version of the "Nesting Response" we suppose. But whatever, its fun and the anticipation of receiving these 4 children into our home and hearts grows stronger as we prepare to travel very soon! Did I say, "very soon?" The words came off my keyboard and mouth, but they seem unreal. We've been at this adoption thing for so long that we've become accustomed to thinking of this in the "fantasy" of our minds vs. the reality of our home. But here we are, and like the children on a long trip saying "are we there yet?" for the fourteenth million time, the answer is finally YES, or at least so close that it is moving beyond the fantasy and into the "really, its just around the next corner!" Speaking of children, we have noticed an increase of excitement and anticipation from our children as well. The older are rearranging schedules to make sure they meet their new brothers and sister as soon as we get them, while the 10 year old is now planning games, events, and outings for his new siblings. Until then, be blessed...

Patience may be a virtue but waiting is fattening!

2010-10-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

I have found that although I am a very patient person, especially with children, I don't like waiting on things to happen. So to keep myself busy and my mind off of the waiting I have to find something to do and lately it has been making desserts. Thus the fattening side of waiting. Have you seen the movie "The Waitress"? What stands out to me in the movie is the pies she creates through the trials in her life. Since seeing that movie I have enjoyed creating pies and naming them according to what is going on in my life. This month has been especially fattening while we are waiting to travel to get our new additions to the family.

I am sorry that the pictures are not that great but you can get the idea anyway. For some reason, the pictures turn sideways when they upload and I cant figure out how to turn them back. Trust me, they definitely tasted better than they look in the pictures.

It started out small, we just had "Movie night popcorn" while we waited for a match.....

Then came the referral and staffing and then......

.........Chocolate Whoopie Pies in celebration of being matched

"Whoopie!-We-are-excited Pies!"

This was the Bavarian Creme Apple Pie made while my mom was in the hospital.

"My mom is in the hospital and I don't know what to do Bavarian Creme Apple Pie"

This was the

"Mom got discharged from the Hospital today Chocolate Pecan Pie"

made when she was able to go back home.

Then came the

"Back to waiting on the paperwork Candy apples"......

Next came the

"I wish they would hurry up and email me back Caramel Popcorn".......

And now

"I am so tired of waiting just bring them to us Caramel Cheesecake!"

and the worst part is there are only 4 of us to eat all this stuff.

Russell said if we don't hurry up and get our kids he's going to be as big as Bo...

...our 3 year old bull!

Warrior Arrows

2010-10-28T17:58:00.000-07:00

Some of you may have noticed a change in our blog. Specifically, we have changed our name from "Boys in the Bulrush" to "Warrior Arrows". Today, we'd like to explain the change. When we began our journey on the path to adoption, we didn't know where to start. We looked at dozens of options and agencies before deciding to pursue 2 special needs children from China. Once on the path, we wanted to name our blog something that would reflect the idea of a journey that found 2 boys hidden in some disguised place, but nonetheless, there for us to find and welcome into our home. The mental picture we had was of Moses in the Old Testament, when his mother floated him down the river and his floatation device came to rest in the bulrush where he was found and essentially adopted into the king's court.

As we have shared, for various reasons, we were unable to continue on the path to adopting these boys from China and we shifted our efforts to finding a sibling group in the United States. Recently we were selected for a group of 4 siblings in the midwest and are now waiting to travel to meet them, hopefully some time in the next week or two. The sibling group is comprised of a girl and 3 boys, so the mental picture of 2 boys in the bulrush began to break down a little bit. This past week a new mental picture began to emerge in our mind based on Psalm 127:3-5 which says

Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward.

Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one's youth.

Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate.

We have always loved that verse and having our 'quiver full' of our own children. As we began to think of adding more arrows to our quiver through adoption, we felt like this was a perfect name for our blog. People have said that we are crazy for adopting 4 children at this point of our life. And to that, we say, "yeah, we know. We can give you a 1,000 reasons why we shouldn't adopt 4 children". But then we continue..."we can give you 1 good reason why we should..." Do you know what that reason is? We believe that it is absolutely an honor and the most thrilling adventure that life has to offer to be a part of a child's life and have the opportunity to introduce them to the Kingdom of God and Jesus. And here we are, totally blessed with 4 more! Four more children that we can tell about God's love and the special place they hold in His heart! Four more children in our quiver who are warrior arrows in the Kingdom of God.

Does life get any better, we ask? What will it be like to stand before God our Father one day knowing that we had answered His call, sought Him for guidance, and introduced not only our biological children to Jesus, but these 4 as well. Crazy? Perhaps. But life never really promised that everything would make sense...only that we would be accompanied by the King of the entire universe and that He desires to penetrate this world with His love. We'll talk so more in the coming days about the thrill and why its so important to us. Until we talk again...

Hope and Fulfillment

2010-10-16T07:59:00.000-07:00

I must start today's blog with a passage from Proverbs. Proverbs 13:12 says that, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life". Many times I have quoted the first part of that. I usually said it when I felt that life wasn't giving me what I wanted, when I wanted it. It was sort of a way to say to God, "Hey, come on. Answer my prayer, already!" The ole "hope deferred" line also represented a certain frustration with life, not to mention a feeling of entitlement. Historically speaking, none of those thoughts, feelings and even attempts to manipulate the heavens ever seemed to make much difference in the outcomes. But today, I am reminded that life does, in fact, provide its moments when our desires are realized and something good comes our way. My devotion this morning was from Psalm 35 and I noticed that in a difficult time David reminds himself that God does take pleasure in the "prosperity" of His children. We wake up this morning with this wonderful feeling of having a desire to come to us. Yesterday, we were informed that we have been selected to adopt 4 beautiful children pending one more interview that seems to be fairly perfunctory. Finally! After several years, the last 15 months of which have been up and down, we have found our kids! Suddenly, life is full of energy and our hearts feel a sense of gratitude that God has placed this burden on our hearts to adopt and has now fulfilled that burden. Although we are facing a few more weeks of waiting, administrative activities and of course, paperwork, we are finally going to receive our 4 new little blessings. We could go on right now describing this moment and how it feels, but well save that for future posts over the next couple of days. Until we talk again....

Passing through Nowhere Land...

2010-10-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

Passing through Nowhere Land...Maybe I'm the only one, but sometimes when you feel you are suppose to do something in life, it doesn't always feel like you are making progress. One minute you know exactly what you're doing and where you're at and then, without warning, you get this feeling of being completely out of your element and in the middle of "Nowhere Land".

As many of you know, we have been involved in the adoption process for well over three years now. Its not just a noble idea for us, its a calling. And it not only involves us simply finding our kids and opening our heart and home to them, but to join in with those in the Body of Christ who are encouraging others to get involved in some capacity. Whether its adopting, supporting an agency or orphanage, sponsoring a child or encouraging a friend that we know is in the adoption process, we know that the world cannot afford to lose these little ones to our fears, apathy and indifference.

At times it has felt as if we were making progress and at other times it has felt like we were at ground zero...yet again! The words of Rudyard Kipling's poem, "IF", "if you can...risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss, and lose, and start again at your beginnings and never breathe a word about your loss..." more than capture the feeling that we've had over and over. In this process of finding our kids we can go to bed one night knowing that God's got it all under control, convinced that tomorrow the social worker is going to call, only to wake up the next morning in Nowhere Land "starting over again". But then something beautiful happens. God will send something or somebody into our path that offers the strength and energy to stay the course. Recently, I experienced one such moment.

I was in a grocery store, minding my own business, waiting for the deli people to slice my roast beef, when a young lady approached me. She began to tell me how the course of her and her husband's life was changed dramatically in response to something we had said. At first, I had no idea what she was talking about and she thought that perhaps she had mistaken me for somebody else. But then she went on to say that she and her husband were involved in the adoption of a sibling group. What persuaded them to take the leap was a presentation we had done in our local church last year. To be more precise, it was the second presentation that persuaded them to pursue adoption. As she recounted to me, after the first presentation, she and her husband began to pray about adopting. One of their prayers went something like "Lord, if you are wanting us to adopt, then let the man do another presentation". To their amazement, the next Sunday, we did a second presentation about the need for families to adopt. With tears streaming down her face she thanked me for the presentation and the encouragement to step out and open their hearts and homes to parent "the fatherless". And in that instant, I went from wondering what in the world we were thinking about when we answered our call to adopt, to a place where it all made sense. Our frustrations and disappointments melted and for a moment I had one of those genuine "rejoice with those that rejoice" moments. It is such moments that remind me that a Being far more wise than I orchestrates life and fits all the pieces of the puzzle together for each and every one of us.

We have shared many such orchestrated moments with each other and with many of you along our path to finding our kids. We want to take a moment to thank each of you who have shared with us. We can only say thank you and keep it coming. Continue to share with us your stories of how God has touched you in some capacity to serve the fatherless of this world. Its the difference between settling in "Nowhere Land" and just passing through. God bless you and let me just close this blog with the words of James who said,

Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.

until we talk again...

10-10-10 Born 2 Fly

2010-10-05T07:14:00.000-07:00

I came across this blog today and wanted to share it. You can read more about it on the following blogs but here is a summary about it.

Most kids are lured into sex slavery because they don’t know the deceptive tactics of traffickers. Wherever awareness training takes place, the rate of trafficking plummets. There’s just not enough, nor is it available in the languages of most at-risk kids.

The Born to Fly Project is a strategic 4-stage plan to educate kids, parents, and teachers about the dangers of child trafficking—with the ultimate goal of ending it.

http://www.born2fly.org/index_working.html

Each year more than a million kids are lured into modern-day slavery where they’re raped for profit 30 or 40 times a night—night after night. Some of them are just 4 years old. Many are right in the U.S.

If that makes you angry, there IS something we can do about it.

Most kids are tricked into sex slavery because they don’t know the deceptive tactics of traffickers. What if we could warn children and their parents ahead of time?

What if we taught them about the lies traffickers use—and how to stand up against them? The rate of trafficking would drop and millions of kids would never enter the dark world of trafficking.

The B2F Project educates at-risk children and their parents about the dangers of trafficking through a strategic 6-week community campaign. The project's centerpiece is a wordless book that teaches kids to make wise choices—wordless so we don’t have to translate it into hundreds of languages. A 70-page companion curriculum reinforces the important concepts in the book.

The B2F wordless book and curriculum are complete and ready for testing next month in the Dominican Republic.

Once we have feedback from teachers and kids, we’ll begin distributing these amazing materials all over the world. The 1-day fundraiser will raise money to do that—and prevent millions of kids from ever being trafficked.

What you can do

Donate: Use the Chip-in widget above (or here) to donate $10. (You don't have to wait til 10/10/10 to donate of course.)
Email: Tell 10 people about 10/10/10 and send them towww.born2fly.org or this blog.
Blog: Post about 10/10/10. Include the Chip-in widget (see code below).
Facebook: Talk about 10/10/10; include the Chip-in widget.
Twitter: Tweet about it. Follow me, @DianaScimone, director of The B2F Project.
Updates: Check my blog for the latest: www.dianascimone.com
Show: Add a Twibbon to your Twitter and Facebook photos: http://twb.ly/9Hccsi
Paste: Copy and paste this code for the Chip-in widget onto your blog and Facebook:

Traffickers think kids are commodities. On 10/10/10, tell kids they’re priceless.

All it takes is $10.

Happy Scrappy Quilt Giveaway!

2010-10-01T12:56:00.000-07:00

Would you like to win this colorful happy scrappy quilt?

This happy scrappy was made with a fun mix of prints from Jennifer Paganelli's fabric collections. It's approximately 67" x 90", 100% cotton. We pieced this quilt ourselves, with lots of love! And it's been machine quilted for extra durability... freshly laundered, too. The flip-side of the quilt is pink Claire blocks, from Jennifer's Bell Bottom collection.

I saw this post on a blog that I follow and wanted to share it with you as well. The Long ladies are a lovely family of girls that sew and sew beautifully. You can see more of what they do and what they sell by going to their blog or website. I have bought material and patterns from them and they are great to do business with as well.

To enter go to their blog and follow the instructions. http://www.mariemadelinestudio.typepad.com/

Good Luck!

My World Vision House Party

2010-09-22T05:36:00.000-07:00

Since I began applying to host House Parties, I entered every one that looked the slightest bit interesting to me. The Star Wars was the first one I was accepted for and it was a perfect fit for us. I loved hosting the party for my son and his friends and we had a great time. When I saw the World Vision party I almost didnt apply for it. Not because I am not interested in World Vision. I am very interested and I support what they do and I love it! But I didnt want to make my guests feel like they were being pressured into 'buying' something. With the other product parties, guests come and are served using the product and are introduced to the product. Whether or not they buy is totally up to them and I will never know what they do in their shopping later. The party is totally about having good fellowship and fun and there is no pressure at all. Just the thought of World Vision brings to mind that something will be required of us....of me, of my guest, of us all. So I resisted. Then, I was convicted. What if no one hosted the World Vision party for that reason? What if by hosting it one child was sponsored? What difference would that make in his life? What if by hosting it I planted seeds and even if no one came or no one sponsored a child this time, seeds were planted that grew later? How can I only host when it is easy for me and not when it really makes a difference in someone's life? So I applied and Surprise! I was chosen to host the party. Only now I feel different about it. I am honored to be a part of it. I am excited to share the vision. I hope it makes a difference in the lives of children around the world but it has already made a difference in my life. I invited everyone I know that is local to me and so far I have one person confirmed to come. It might be a small party :) we are not done yet.

http://www.houseparty.com/party/365862

One thing that was a lesson for us in planning for the party this week. We live in the country and have well water with an electric pump. We woke up yesterday morning and our water didn't work. We tried everything to fix it ourselves and after working on it all day and replacing several parts on the pump we had to call in a professional to replace the whole thing. We were without running water all day. It was a small taste of what these children we are sponsoring experience on a daily basis. Showers couldnt be taken, toilets couldnt be flushed, hands couldnt be washed. The thought of children living each day without food and fresh water is one that pierces my heart and compels me to continue fighting not only for our adoption, but for children all around the world. No child should have to go to bed hungry!

If anyone is interested in sponsoring a child through World Vision, You can go to this link and choose a child to sponsor. You dont have to go to a party to do it :)

http://sn.im/12cgie

You can even pick a child with your same birthday or the birthday of your child. We choose a child that has the same birthday as Jeffrey and they will get to be penpals through our sponsorship.

Star Wars Party pics

2010-09-21T09:37:00.000-07:00

This is Jeffrey painting a backdrop for the party. It turned out nice.

Jeffrey ready for the guest to arrive.

Party shots.......

Everyone had a blast!

House Party everything you need for a great party FREE!!!

2010-09-14T09:26:00.000-07:00

We signed up several months ago to host parties for House Party. I applied over and over and never got chosen until now.....

It is amazing the incredible opportunities they give people to introduce new products by throwing a party and sharing the products with their friends and family.

We were chosen to host a Star Wars the Clone Wars 3 season premier party and our son, Jeffrey is over the top excited!

This is the party pack they sent.......

We are going to have a great time and his friends are going to love the games and activities planned.

We have painted a space backdrop for the party and planned Star Wars themed foods. They will play the Hasbro Galactic Battle game and watch the season premier together. Everyone is coming in costume and it will be a blast.

I will post pictures after the party as well.

2010-09-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

So much has been going on at our house trying to get the home study updated for domestic adoptions, meeting with social workers, talking with experts in the field and learning the system. We have found several sibling groups that we feel would fit into our family and are in the process of applying and hoping we are chosen in one of the cases.

Meanwhile, life goes on.....

Emotional Roller Coaster

2010-08-20T05:57:00.000-07:00

The past six weeks or so of our adoption process have been a complete roller coaster ride for our family. Through the ups and downs we have had some major changes in our adoption. First off, We have exceeded our time frames for the China adoption and it seems that we have reached an impasse. We will not be getting these two boys from China. That in itself was an emotional let down. Some where in China sit two little boys that have been a part of our life and thoughts and prayers for the past year. They dont even know it but they have a room here and a dresser full of clothes and tons of toys and decorations picked out just for them. They have been prayed for every day by us and our extended family as well. They have been named and thought of during family games and activities. They were truly a part of our family even though we never actually met them. They will never know that for the past year, they have had a family. Not being able to add them to our family is like having a miscarriage. It is heartbreaking and discouraging and even though we have had some down times and felt all these things we still have a peace and know that God is in control. For what ever reason this was not meant to be. Maybe our part was simply to pray for them every day for this past year and we may never know what difference that may have made in their lives. As we have said before, our approach to adopting was simply to "take the next positive step that we knew to take". While we grieve that we have reached an impasse for the China adoption, we rejoice that God is opening new doors. To our surprise, the next positive step has brought us to exploring domestic adoptions. Our homestudy is now complete for a domestic adoption and we are in the seeking phase. We know God has kids out there somewhere that are to be a part of our family, our job now is to find them! Pray for us as we take our next positive step!

July 4th family fun

2010-07-10T08:05:00.000-07:00

Wow! What a busy week for us. We had 14 people and four dogs at our house for the 4th of July. Great fun with family! We dont get together like that nearly enough.
My sister and her two girls were up from Florida for the week leading up to the 4th. All our children were in at least for the weekend. My parents came down and my brother was here also.

When we do get together, we go all out and make some seriously fun memories. Every year we do a Mystery dinner and everyone dresses up in character and really gets into the game. This year the theme was Gone with the Wind. Looks like next year will be a roaring '20"s theme.

We also had a pig pickin' and family games and lots of fellowship and fun times.

Thank You!

2010-06-24T06:55:00.000-07:00

We wanted to write a quick blog to thank everyone for their participation in the Father's Day weekend special to help with our adoption process. It was very inspiring to see people willing to help and with a heart to help us provide 2 orphaned boys with a home. All the donations helped us get closer to meeting the financial obligations involved to complete the adoption. We are still gathering information from the weekend and will be posting an update on our progress very soon. God bless and until we talk again...

Be a part of something special this Father's Day.

2010-06-19T05:35:00.000-07:00

As you know, we are in the process of adopting 2 special needs boys. Both have spent their entire 7 years on this earth in orphanages. Both want more than anything a family to call their own. Both face prescribed, dismal futures should they not find their heart's desire. But before this can happen, We must raise some $35,000 to finish the adoptions. Of that, $7,500 is due immediately. After much thought and deliberation, we've decided to appeal to each of you for help. In exchange, for your help, we are making available a very special Father's Day offer.

Anyone making a donation of $10 or more will receive Dr. Thomas' Turbo Charged Childhood eBook (a $14.95 value) AND Dr. Thomas'Weekly Inspirational Thoughts for Parents & Teachers of ADHD Children eBook (a $9.95 value).

Donations of $50 or more will receive the gifts mentioned above as well as Dr. Thomas' NEW ebook entitled "12 Pillars and a Prayer: God's Secrets to Success, Prosperity, and Wealth".

Donations of $100 or more will receive hard copies of both "Turbo Charged Childhood" and "12 Pillars and a Prayer: God's Secrets to Success, Prosperity, and Wealth", each personally inscribed by Dr. Russell Thomas.

These books are valuable resources for anyone's library. Turbo Charged Childhood is full of non-medicine interventions for those challenged with attention deficit.
Written from a distinctively Christian perspective, 12 Pillars and a Prayer is for anyone who has ever had financial challenges, i.e., pretty much everyone! In 12 Pillars and a Prayer I tackle the question of "Does God really you to be successful, prosperous and wealthy"? I think you will find both books to be easy, enjoyable reading that stimulates you to think outside of the box for both attention deficits and your finances!

I would like to close by inviting you to be a part of something special this Father's Day Weekend. Make a difference to 2 young boys' lives and at the same time enjoy 2 of my special books! Won't you please go to:

http://www.simplesolutions4.com/

and make a donation today? The need is immediate and with your help we can make this a very special father's day! Please share this opportunity with anyone that you think might benefit from these books by forwarding this info on to them.

Happy Father's Day to each of you dad's out there!

2010-06-18T14:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day to each of you dad's out there!
I've played on championship athletic teams, walked across the stage to receive my doctoral diploma, and even jumped off a 40-foot railroad bridge into a Tennessee river (not smart, do not try this at home!), but nothing has ever been more thrilling than being a father...and I am serious when I say that, nothing!

I will never forget each time I first laid eyes on my children and felt the amazement of a new life. The joy that I felt and continue to feel as they have grown is comparable to no other feeling in the world. Baby's first steps, the first time they said that magical word (Daddy!), "Boys Club Weekends" and the annual Nutcracker recital are memories that, like the commercial says, "ARE PRICELESS"!

But what if? Now that Karen & I are a little older, we have begun to realize that what we took for granted in our own childhood and what we've been able to pass on to our children, was not the life that every child has been granted. Not every child has been fortunate enough to have a mom and/or dad to play with them, tuck them in at night, play ball with them or hug them when they hurt on the inside. Unfortunately, there are some children who will never have a home and be a part of a family.

Some have fathered, but not all are fathers. In my work as a psychologist, I often work with behaviorally troubled young adolescent males. To my amazement, the modern day right-of-passage seems to be to father a child. One 16 year old boy with whom I worked, had fathered 2 children already, had one girlfriend pregnant and was looking to find another willing partner at the time he was in my office! He spent no time with any of his children, offered them no financial support, and provided no model of responsible living whatsoever. He fathered children, but provided virtually nothing in terms of being a father.

The innocent pay the price. While this boy was an extreme, who pays the price? Unfortunately, it is the child who is left to face a world that offers very little support and personal care. The foster care system is overrun with these children and orphanages all over the world are trying their best to provide for their basic needs.

Be a part of something special this Father's Day. As you know, Karen & I are in the process of adopting 2 of these children. Both have spent their entire 7 years on this earth in orphanages. Both want more than anything a family to call their own. Both face prescribed, dismal futures should they not find their heart's desire. But before this can happen, Karen & I must raise some $35,000 to finish the adoption. Of that, $7,500 is due immediately. After much thought and deliberation, we've decided to appeal to each of you for help. In exchange, for your help, we are making available a very special Father's Day offer.

At the urging of our website and marketing manager, we are offering the following special offers for anyone making a donation this Father's Day weekend:

Anyone making a donation of $10 or more will receive Dr. Thomas' Turbo Charged Childhood eBook (a $14.95 value) AND Dr. Thomas'Weekly Inspirational Thoughts for Parents & Teachers of ADHD Children eBook (a $9.95 value).

Donations of $50 or more will receive the gifts mentioned above as well as Dr. Thomas' NEW book entitled "12 Pillars and a Prayer: God's Secrets to Success, Prosperity, and Wealth"* (see details below).

Donations of $100 or more will receive hard copies of both "Turbo Charged Childhood" and "12 Pillars and a Prayer: God's Secrets to Success, Prosperity, and Wealth", each personally inscribed by Dr. Russell Thomas.

These books are valuable resources for anyone's library. Turbo Charged Childhood is full of non-medicine interventions for those challenged with attention deficit. Written from a distinctively Christian perspective, 12 Pillars and a Prayer is for anyone who has ever had financial challenges, i.e., pretty much everyone! In 12 Pillars and a Prayer I tackle the question of "Does God really you to be successful, prosperous and wealthy"? I think you will find both books to be easy, enjoyable reading that stimulates you to think outside of the box for both attention deficits and your finances!

http://www.simplesolutions4.com/

Take the next positive step

2010-06-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

When God had laid it on our hearts to adopt several years ago. We looked at various agencies and opportunities to adopt looking for that "right fit". After 5 years or so, we finally got that "feeling" that a small, special needs Chinese boy was ours to pursue. Knowing that we didnt have the cash in the bank for such an endeavor, we prayed and felt like we were just supposed to take the next positive step and let God make the way. With not a penny in the budget for this and a long road ahead, we agreed to "take the next positive step" and as long as doors kept opening we would keep pursuing. The first door that opened was that age limits were lifted (Russell was over the age limit). Then, China made an exception, and let us pursue 2 boys at the same time. Door after door has opened and we continue to take that next positive step that we know how to take. We adopted "take the next positive step" as our motto and many times it has inspired us during the bleaker moments. We stay motivated by the fact that there are 2 boys half way across the world who are longing for a home, family and somebody to take a personal interest in their lives. Those are the things that we have been blessed with in life and we welcome the opportunity to do the same for these children.

Sometimes we feel like we are in way over our head, but we know the One who led us here will not leave us or forsake us so we keep going. We are getting down to it! Dossiers are due to China by July 15th. We are "up against the wall" with fees that are now coming due. With $35,000 of expenses to finish out the adoptions, $7500 of which is immediately upon us...as in yesterday! This after we've already completed over $15,000 of the expenses. While we have no idea where that money is coming from at this point, we will continue to "take the next positive step" on our journey and leave the rest to the One who got us this far!

So today, rather than freak out, we look at each other and say, "JUST TAKE THE NEXT POSITIVE STEP"! We'll let you know tomorrow what that was! Until we talk again...

"Beam me up, Scotty!"

2010-06-05T05:50:00.000-07:00

"Beam me up, Scotty!" was the popular quote from the infamous Star Trek TV series. The words were usually spoken when Captain Kirk was in a quandary and needed rescuing before some alien being consumed him in one fatal swoop. We can relate right now. The seemingly endless run of documents, follow up phone calls, and fundraisers dominate our lives right now. No more do we finish with one set when another is due. There was a point this week where we thought we saw some daylight at the end of the adoption tunnel. The only thing that we can do is put our head down and keep running. So we take it one day at a time, one form at a time, one fundraiser at a time and all the while remember why we are doing this. We can only say, "help us bring our boys home!" Until next time.

Cruise Control

2010-05-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

This week has been one of "cruise control". We have completed many documents and are now waiting from responses from various agencies. The home study site visit is completed and we await final production of the home study report. There is much done but much else to do. The reality of bringing these boys into our home is starting to become a part of life and we just wish it was sooner than it is. But at least there is a sense that we are making some progress at this point. We are putting together another round of fundraisers throughout June and July. It feels like were at this long straight stretch in the road where we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep running for the prize! Until another day...

Running the Race

2010-05-22T05:44:00.000-07:00

This week has been a wonderful week! The saying is that flowers don't grow without rain and people don't grow without challenges. What that means for us is that we grew leaps and bounds this week! The home study site visit is in the books and we completed a myriad of forms and paperwork. While we are somewhat exhausted and weary right now, we also have the assurance that everything is as it should be and that God is in control of our adoption, not to mention lives! We're at that point of the race where we've covered some ground, enough to feel a little exhaustion, but still have much race left. If you look too far ahead there is a sense of being overwhelmed. So the thing to do is to break down the race into smaller "chunks" of tasks. This next week we accomplish several "next things" on the task list. Then, this time next week those things are completed and we're that much closer to getting our boys. When I (Russell) get to feeling a little exasperated with the process, I simply go into the boys' room that Karen has so wonderfully prepared for them,(see previous post) and I get a different feeling. Its one where I imagine the boys being in there safe, happy and part of our family and I get a sense of peace and joy...until next time...

The room is ready for the boys!

2010-05-20T12:02:00.000-07:00

If only the rest of the adoption process was as easy, or fun :-) Fixing up the room was so much fun!

I guess the first step in the process is preparing a place in our hearts for the children we are going to adopt, which we did and then came the legal steps to follow, now it is mostly waiting on paperwork to be approved and decisions to be made that are out of our control.....so what to do while we wait? Prepare a place in our home.

It was so much fun to go through toys and find age appropriate things to fill the room. We chose to go with a transportation theme b/c all boys love cars and trucks no matter what country they live in. We set up the train table and tried to make the room as kid friendly and inviting as we could. The map on the wall has a marker where each boy is from and where we live. The Bible verse above the map is Isaiah 43:5 in Chinese. It says "Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west." We felt like that verse is appropriate for our adoption.

Homestudy

2010-05-16T07:37:00.001-07:00

Its been a long process and one that has required a combination of endurance, patience and focus. Because we are adopting 2, basically all our paperwork has been doubled. It seems like such a cumbersome process and we often find ourselves either overwhelmed or exhausted with the process. Its tempting to just take some kind of “lesser route” at times, but we know what God has spoken to our hearts so we ask for perseverance and strength to run the race.

This week we will have our long awaited homestudy. We ask that you pray for us as we complete the homestudy and that the process may move forward quickly. Our complete dossier must be to China by July 15th. This is now a tight deadline.

DAY 21 FAST:

2010-05-10T05:48:00.000-07:00

Today is the much anticipated end of our fast. Its funny though, we have very much ambivalent feelings about it. There’s no question that its been tough at times. Accomplishment and achievement requires that of a man or woman. The journey has been nothing short of spectacular. Between the four of us, we have lost some 40 lbs and we feel great! Mentally and emotionally we feel strengthened. One of the major benefits of this fast is the restoration of will. There is a renewed sense that we have the necessary discipline and strength necessary to move into the next phase of our lives. Spiritually, the breakthroughs have come in the past 23-48 hours. I (Russell) have been asking God for a “strategy” or a path in my work and career. I feel that I have gotten that strategy and we are in full agreement as to how to proceed. Our spirits are like spring plants that were parched from the sun but just got nourished from a refreshing shower. What was feeling wilted is now nourished and there are blooms on our vines just waiting to bring forth fruit. So, our DANIEL FAST comes to end today with a “Daniel Friendly Meal” plus Salmon and/or a small portion of a New York Strip Steak. Nothing drastic, as we don’t want to return to the land of grease, sugar, and junk. We will continue with water as the primary drink and establish a new eating habit. But most of all, we will cherish the closer feeling that exists amongst our family for having done this together.

And oh yeah, the adoption! We are feeling the closeness of getting our boys as Home Study is scheduled one week from today. We are busy preparing for that event. The expectation is that things will begin to pick up significantly at this point.

We’ll keep you posted. We’re going to continue blogging daily for a while to keep you up to date on the longer range results of our Daniel Fast. We suspect that we have yet to realize all the impact the last 21 days have on our lives. Until tomorrow…

DAY 20 DANIEL FAST:

2010-05-10T05:32:00.001-07:00

Today is Day 20. One more day to go, but we find ourselves with mixed feelings. The physical benefits of changed eating habits have been so profound that the idea of going back to previous ways is not a welcomed thought. We have decided that we will not go back and that this fast has, in fact, changed our lives forever. Emotionally, we are starting to feel the breakthrough as well. Make no mistake about it, this has been an effort and a battle, a lot of which was fought in the area between the 2 ears. And like any battle that you’ve won, there springs a new found sense of strength and confidence that is always the product of effort, self-control, discipline and team work. Our family shares this journey together and we have become closer during this time. Any time a group of people purpose together and then successfully journey together the relationships are enriched. Finally, there is the spiritual dimension. Things that we have prayed for are coming into perspective. More on that tomorrow….

Day 19

2010-05-08T05:54:00.001-07:00

DAY 19 FAST: Today was a strange battle, a mixed bag of sorts. We have to speak of the spiritual implications of this fast today. While most of our posts have spoken to the physical impact and how we felt while dramatically altering the foods we eat, today the emphasis switches to the spiritual and mental aspects of our fast. If any of our readers are not familiar with the spiritual roots of our fast, read Daniel 10. The crux of the story is that Daniel was trying to understand something very important. He was trying to discern the times and gain a greater measure of insight about his life and the lives of those people he cared about. In essence, he was facing hard times and he was trying understand the way out. What does he do to try to calm down the “noise” in his head and heart? He “eats no pleasant food, no meat or wine…” for 21 days. This is what we’ve been doing. The process of adoption had become laborious and obstructed and we were trying to understand. Now on Day 19, our focus has turned to more of a spiritual dimension.

Day 19 simply put has been a battle. A battle defined by will. Our minds and bodies grow weary of the discipline and there is temptation to “call off the dogs”. And yet, the way is not yet clear. It feels like there is tremendous fight, beyond just the temptation of breaking the fast. The body grows week and there is a combination of weariness, sadness and irritation. At any given point, we can be experiencing any one of these in full intensity. But there is something inside that says the “Glory is in the Garden”. Translated, that means that before Jesus was raised from the dead in all the Glory of that event, He first sweat drops of blood in the garden. Today has been the garden and it has taken every ounce of energy we could muster to maintain course. But there is a feeling that what comes after the garden is a clear path and an entering into a new, liberating life. We’ll talk more in days to come about that part, but for now, I’m exhausted and need to lay down!...

Day 18

2010-05-07T05:46:00.000-07:00

DAY 18 FAST: Today is a different day. We can’t believe that we have been abstaining from so many things that have been a part of our diet basically all our lives. No meat, no sugar, no bread, and no dairy products or eggs for almost 3 weeks! And the thing is, we feel healthy and sharp and good. Yes, we miss some of those things, but the feeling of completing this fast for 3 weeks and exercising our will power over these things have given us back a sense of control and confidence. Today, we begin to feel as though some of the things that we have been praying about are taking a perspective and a path is opening to us. There is a renewed sense of purpose and, for lack of a better word, life that is operating. The air has a certain crispness, there are brilliant colors and the season of our life seems to be pregnant with possibilities and hope. For the first time, it seems that we are truly getting closer to having our boys home from China with us. We are doing things daily to prepare for their arrival. There is a wonderful atmosphere of anticipation today that we simply pause and enjoy. Until Day 19…

Day 17

2010-05-06T05:34:00.001-07:00

Here on Day 17 the body has adjusted to eating different and the mind does not scream as loud for the old food. We are looking forward to not having the same regimented eating schedule, but not looking forward to eating many of the foods we used to eat. The thought of grease and heavy foods is not appealing. Others that have done the Daniel Fast talked about how they couldn’t wait to enjoy their favorite beverage or burger. We don’t necessarily feel that way. It is if we have been reprogramming our brains, putting things in a healthy and unhealthy category and the thought of immediately returning to foods in the unhealthy category is not all that appealing. Unhealthy things are those things that aren't necessarily sinful or anything, but impede the goal of being in the best physical health that we can be.

Likewise, there is a parallel process in action and it has to do with things getting sorted out in other domains of life as healthy and unhealthy. When we begin to contemplate what it is that we really want in life, we must also ask what we are willing to give up to get it. These questions have ask for a re-evaluation of priorities and exactly where it is you spend your time. Too much time reading the sports page or playing computer games or watching TV is time away from those things that are important and likely to generate the kinds of outcomes we desire in life. Not necessarily sinful, but certainly impede our goals and things that we want out of life. Day 17 reveals an important life truth: not only do foods get placed in healthy and unhealthy categories, but so do our activities and ways that we spend our time. Until Day 18…

Day 16

2010-05-05T05:02:00.001-07:00

DAY 16 FAST: Day 16 we continue to be steady. What was once a disciplined effort has now become routine. In terms of eating, we have found ourselves thinking about various foods that we used to eat and they sound good. We've talked about everything from cookies to pizza. But the idea of actually eating them is a bit more hazy now as we are in no hurry to return to unhealthy eating. Physically we feel too good, strong and have gained tremendous benefit from the Daniel Fast too quickly return to our old eating habits. Mentally, there is always a sense of self-control and gaining back some “will power” that comes from fasting. The Daniel Fast is no different. We have felt satisfaction and strength of mind that has come from sticking with the fast this long. It is a mental strength that generalizes to other activities as well, i.e., getting paperwork finished, making that call, doing those minute things each day that are a pain, etc. Spiritually, there is a sense of freshness and as if the fog is starting to lift and we can see clearly again. Its amazing how much clearer and alive the Bible becomes when you are quieting your earthly vessel and soul, so that the still small voice can be heard. Until Day 17, be blessed…

Day 15

2010-05-04T06:39:00.000-07:00

Today we write and feel exhausted. We’re tired of eating rice, beans and bananas! But we do it anyway. I’m tired of not reading a good story from the sports page, but I abstain anyway. We’re tired of filling out paper after paper for the adoption and feeling like Karen & I are all alone in this process but we take heart again anyway. We’re tired of wondering where the money is coming from, but we keep believing anyway. We’re tired of this whole Daniel fast thing, but I do it anyway. We’re just tired of disciplining ourselves. We are where Jesus was when he was praying in the garden. Not the glory part, but rather the gory part. We understand though, without the gory, there is no glory. There will be an end to this exhausting process and we know it. But for the moment, we wonder why did this. All that said and today, we look at each other for just a moment and notice that Jeffrey looks healthy and vibrant, Russell has lost over 10 lbs and Karen glows like a bride. Karen bought some clothes for our new boys today and we got excited all over again about having them join our family. There is something to be said for discipline and waiting…I just can’t seem to find those words right now though. I’m too tired to think! Until Day 16…

Day 13

2010-05-03T05:25:00.000-07:00

Today is Day 13 of our Daniel Fast. We find ourselves with all types of “knee jerk” reactions to food and eating behavior. Yesterday, we were shopping at the grocery store. It was late afternoon, low 80’s and I was feeling a little fatigued and weak. Many times under such conditions I would resort to a Dr. Pepper. For the first time on the fast, it went thru my mind, “hey, a Dr. Pepper would be good right now”. And while there’s not anything terribly sinful about a DP, there is also nothing nutritionally redeeming in it. The body is not craving the sugar and caffeine, but the brain is still programmed that “this is what we do in the afternoon when we’re feeling fatigued”. Changing unproductive behavior is a challenge and the part of the fast that we now deal with each day. And just for the record, it can be irritating. I have noticed that we all are a little more grumpy, particularly when it comes to decision-making time. During these moments, and it doesn’t have to be a big decision, it just seems irritating to have to think about it and make a decision. Sounds silly but its what we’ve experienced here on Day 13. All of this struggle thought, enhances the spiritual dimension. It is at these times of challenge that the awareness of the human frailty and the need for a strength that comes from beyond your own resources kicks in. The simple dependency on God and His strength and resources is refreshing, planting an entirely different perspective on the entire process of fasting. Until Day 14…be blessed!

Day 12

2010-05-01T08:39:00.000-07:00

Today starts day 12 of our Daniel Fast and we begin our day refreshed and revived. We have hit a time when we are starting to run on commitment more than anything else. There is a deep down conviction that we are receiving something special out of the fast. There is the realization that our bodies feel a range of things from really, really good and healthy to tired and fatigued. Mentally, there is the realization that this is good, but also old habits rise up and it seems easier to just call in a pizza. While eating no sugar, no meat and nothing processed has been rewarding, eating rice and beans is now starting to be a little bland. Spiritually, we are strong. We pray together as a family every night and have been enjoying reading the book of Daniel together on most nights. There have been certain “enlightenments” along the way and life’s path seems a little clearer as a result of quieting ourselves and our appetites. Its hard to think clearly when your body is screaming for things that it really doesn’t need to begin with. While we look forward the fast’s end, it is clear that we will not return to our former regimen of eating.

The Daniel Fast

2010-04-29T07:37:00.000-07:00

Today we are writing about something that is happening in our lives that to us, is both unique and special. No, its not about the adoption of our boys, although that certainly qualifies as unique and special to us. This is a very unique experience in which Karen, Julie, (our 22 yr old) Jeffrey (our 10 year old) and I have been participating for the last 10 days. Its called a Daniel Fast. Fasting is not new to us we have long used the practice of fasting to discern the times and seasons, as well as, provide valuable direction for living. Its something Karen and I do when we need to calm our mind, emotions, body and spirit down when things in life are whirling too fast. However, Fasting as a family and the Daniel Fast in particular is new to us.

Daniel, as you know, fasted all pleasurable foods and ate basically fruits and veggies or anything coming from a seed for 21 days. The results were extremely powerful for Daniel and actually changed the course of a nation. We weren't necessarily trying to change a nation, but we did feel some struggles needing a little extra to resolve. So beginning April 19th, we began this journey. Eating only fruits, vegetables, grains, legumes and drinking water. Basically, fasting meats and sweets. What a journey it has been.

We are now on Day 11 of our Daniel Fast. It has been a huge blessing for us. We feel better physically, mentally and spiritually. There have been times when we wanted to take the easy way out and just order pizza, but Karen has diligently prepared foods each day that were consistent with our fast. There is an excitement about what we're doing and more importantly, what God is doing in our lives that permeates our home. We can sense that something special is happening and we look forward to completing the next 10 days strong, as our physical health is strengthened, our mental functions made sharper, and our spirits being fine tuned to Heaven's frequency!

Walk a Thon Fundraiser

2010-04-25T06:00:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since we last posted. We have been diligently fulfilling what seems to be an unending wave of paperwork. We don't want to the belabor the point of paperwork, in fears that we might dissuade others who may be considering adoption, but keep in mind that many parts of our adoption are doubled because we are adopting 2 children. Otherwise, we're making progress, having completed 10 hours of online parent training per Hague Treaty Agreement, gathered numerous documents and completed numerous forms.

Yesterday was the Walk a Thon and it was wonderful! Thank you Torie, who organized, conducted and raised money for us! It was wonderful to go to Wrightsville Beach and participate in the event. It continues to blow our minds how God has brought so many others into this process to bless and encourage us. We hope to have all of our home study completed very soon.

Until next time...

Walk a Thon Fundraiser

2010-04-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

We have been blessed to have a local high school senior choose us to participate in her senior project. She has been working on her project for quite some time. The project is on adoption and she is hosting a Walk a Thon to raise funds for our adoption. We are honored and blessed to be a part of it and hope to get a big turn out for her as well. Here are the details:
Walk for Adoption! Torie's senior project.
Wrightsville Beach Loop
Saturday April 24th 9:00 AM
This is a beautiful walk on Wrightsville Beach, the weather will be perfect and this is a great time to get out and enjoy the area and the company. Come walk the loop with friends and help us bring our boys home! You can get sponsors ahead of time or bring donations on the day of the walk, or you can donate through paypal.

Adoption T-shirts

2010-03-23T08:54:00.000-07:00

The New T-Shirt designs are available! Thanks to a dear friend who designed them for us! Check them out by clicking on our Cafepress shop at the right and then click on "Adoption Shirts" to see all the designs available. Not only will you have a nice shirt to wear with a great message that will help others understand adoption but you will be helping us bring our boys home as well. Thanks for looking!

Timelines and Fundraisers....

2010-03-20T05:51:00.000-07:00

At some point, you know that the pace is going to pick up. After spending 6-8 weeks feeling static and like we'd hit a wall, a recent email unclogged all the pipes in an instant. In that email, we were informed that we are on a time line for getting our boys. While we knew that special needs adoptions were a little different, we were unaware that our time line was coming up so soon. Now, its a daunting task of raising money, not just for one adoption, but for two. We have pulled out all the stops as we will be raising almost $40,000 in the next 8 weeks! While this stretches our faith in ways that we've never done before, we know in our hearts that our path has been ordered and our Father will provide. So we're rolling up our sleeves and focusing on the task at hand.

If you've adopted, you probably know where we're at right now. If you haven't, you probably wonder why we would put ourselves through it. All we can say is, every time we see the boys pictures or view the video of them, we know they are to be part of our family. All we know is, God never says the journey is "reasonable". Being "reasonable" about things simply means you're running on your own resources and He's nowhere in the equation. We know the journey is accompanied by something that goes far beyond your own personal comfort and pushes you into the vast domain of faith! It is a faith that offers a strange combination of excitement, fear, love, loneliness, comfort, panic, peace, and joy all rolled up into one Divinely blessed experience! Perhaps you could help us? Would you consider helping us reach the goal of $40,000 raised by April 30th? You can give by clicking the button to the right of the blog.

We are hitting the fundraisers hard also, first up is a chicken dinner through our church. If you are local to us why not help support the Adoption Ministry! Be a part of forever changing the life of a child. Express the gift of love shared from one heart to another. Plan to eat lunch with us on the 26th For more info call (910) 285-1977. Your support is greatly appreciated! BARBECUE CHICKEN **BAKED BEANS**POTATO SALAD**DESSERT $5 a plate.

Also, you can still support us by shopping through our Cafepress shop (link at right). And coming soon T-shirts! Adorable adoption shirts will be added to the Cafepress shop soon. Check them out and Help us bring our boys homes.

If you have adopted or raised money for adoption, Please share with us what worked for you. What fundraisers did you use? What was most successful? We would love to hear from you.

Until we write again...

Storms of various kinds.....

2010-02-15T08:48:00.000-08:00

This weekend we got a snow storm in our area. That is very unusual for us. We got around 5-7 inches and enjoyed it for the day. Then it melted just as fast it came. Today starts a new week as we engage in "brain storming" sessions to raise the necessary funds for our adoption. We have been in a brief season of "distraction" that has seen many different situations screaming for our attention. Staying focused has been a challenge but we continue to proclaim the Lord's direction, goodness and provision. On Saturday evening, we celebrated the Chinese New Year in recognition of boys and their cultural heritage. It was a lot of fun, but incomplete as we ate lo mein, potstickers (dumplings) and stir fry, we couldn't help but wish our boys were with us. Somebody once said "Patience is a virtue"....I think its just flat overrated! Until we talk again...Russell & Karen

Our 100 Blessing Quilts

2010-01-30T07:26:00.000-08:00

While we are waiting for the arrival of our two boys from China, we are working on a project that we REALLY need your help with. We are creating something called a "100 Blessings Quilt" for each boy.

To welcome and celebrate a new life, there is a tradition in the northern part of China to make a Bai Jia Bei, or "100 Blessings Quilt." It is a custom to invite 100 people to contribute a single square patch of cloth. The 100 patches are sewn together into a quilt that contains the luck, energy, and blessings from all the families and friends who contributed a piece of fabric. The quilt is then passed down from generation to generation.

We are asking you to please participate in this project. We love the idea of welcoming the boys into our home with a quilt that represents the blessings you are all sending their way.

Here is what we would like you to do:
1. Choose ANY 100% cotton fabric that you like. It can be from clothing or from a fabric store. It just needs to be a design and color that you like.

2. Cut two (2) or more 8 x 8" squares from the fabric.
Tip... if you have no idea how to work with fabric, ask for assistance at a fabric store and show them this letter. They will probably cut it for you!

3. Include your "blessing note". We will place all your blessings in a scrapbook that we will give to them someday.

Ideas for selecting fabric squares:
*Select a fabric that is meaningful to you.
*100% cotton fabric is best, as it washes and wears better.
*If there are several members in your family, please feel free to send more than 1 set of scraps. It would be so special to include blessings from all members of your family!! In China, these quilts were originally made from garments of family and friends, which would surround the child with luck/good wishes.

Ideas for blessing note:
We would like for you to prayerfully consider what you might say to these boys that would create a "word picture" for their lives. It may be something that you see for their future or it may be something that you wish for God to bestow upon their lives. What would you wish for a child to have in his life? Some ideas that come to mind are good health, perseverance, compassion, and sense of humor. Use that as a guide for your blessing note. Bible verses that have a special meaning to you are great also. Keep in mind that they will not see your note until they are older, of course.

It would be great to get the fabric and notes before the boys get here so the quilt can be completed by then.

Please take a few minutes from your busy schedules to help us create this very special keepsake for our boy. The miracle of this ‘pregnancy’ has been helped and nurtured by so many of you and this will be so incredibly meaningful for us as well as our new arrivals!

Thank you!

Russell and Karen Thomas

If you would like to participate in this with us, message me for where to send your fabric squares.

The holidays have come and gone.......

2010-01-09T06:32:00.000-08:00

....It was a quiet season for us that was filled with mixed emotions. Joey, our 18 almost 19 year old, has moved to Orlando where he is pursuing his education in culinary arts. We found ourselves rejoicing in one minute and in tears the next. It was difficult to say goodbye to Joey. The holidays were filled with mixed emotions for other reasons as well. Often we would think about our boys during the holidays and wondering what Christmas was like for them...or for that matter, did they even know about Christmas? Tears often filled our eyes for them as we prayed for favor in the adoption process that it might be accelerated. Certainly that prayer has been heard as we have been filling out papers, updating passports and participating in fund raisers at an enhanced pace. Jeffrey, our 10 year old, is ready to go to China today and bring back the boys. Its hard to tell him to be patient when we feel the same way ourselves. But at this point we must do one day at a time and one step at a time. The next step being home study! We'll keep you posted...

2009 Christmas letter

2009-12-29T05:50:00.001-08:00

It’s an overused cliché, but this year has truly flown by. With such a sudden end, it is astonishing to reflect on all that has taken place over these last 12 months. It’s easy to feel like time has escaped us, but looking back we realize how blessed we really are. What started out as a normal year has sped up to a busy close with several large changes taking place all at once.

We couldn’t be more proud of all our children and are excited with them for what their future holds.

Our oldest son, Jason, and his wife, Becca, are doing well and we have enjoyed the times we have been able to be together this year. Jason began working in the High School as the officer there. He has enjoyed the change and the challenge although, He misses the street action and will probably go back to that work soon. Becca is working in tech support and is wonderful with computers. We have gotten together several times this year including a trip to Georgia together this summer. This newsletter would be remiss if we didn’t mention the now famous canoe trip Jason and Joey took together. Armed with ample camping accoutrements, the 2 set out to venture down the Lumber River in southeast NC. They got much more than they bargained for with 95 degree weather, gargantuan spiders, unending logs blocking their path and some encounter with “Crazy Ivan” that to this day remains their little secret! Their 13 mile journey was cut short but the experience will long live in their lives!

Our daughter, Jana graduated from the School of Worship dance program at Grace College of Divinity. This was a wonderful opportunity for her to be trained and involved in worship dance again and led her to Fayetteville NC where she decided to continue taking classes. She is teaching dance for several classes there this year as well. She is a wonderful dancer and we are so blessed to see her use her gifts to bring glory to God. She will be attending a dance competition this winter.

Our daughter, Julie is working and enjoying life. Julie served as young adult leader in our church for the first part of this year and planned several events for the group. More recently, she has become involved in a large Church in Wilmington and loves participating in the small groups. She enjoys playing the Djembe, shopping and being on the go. She will be going on a ski trip with the young adults group this winter. She also found a nice apartment and moved out on her own to Wilmington and is enjoying living in the city.

Our son, Joey graduated from high school this year and also helped in our church as leader for the young adult’s group. Joey played lead guitar in the worship band at our church for several months as well as playing in a couple other bands whenever there was a need. He thoroughly loves music and using this gift to bring glory to God. He also completed the first of what we hope to be many short action/adventure books geared towards ages 8-13. Joey has also developed a passion for cooking and decided to attend Le Cordon Bleu College of Culinary Arts in Orlando this January. He participated in National Novel Writing Month and completed a novel of over 50,000 words in 30 days! He is now working on adding a couple more chapters to that book and hopes to have it finished soon. In December, he was chosen to participate in a cooking challenge in Orlando with 10 other competitors. He had a great time and though he didn’t win, he did very well and the judges had a lot of positive things to say about his dish.

Last, but not least, our youngest son, Jeffrey turned 9 this year and on any given day, he can be observed running across the property in full military fatigues, enjoying every minute of the country life. Rarely a day goes by when he doesn’t mention something about planning the next camping trip. His sense of humor is contagious. Jeffrey showed some serious talent in the culinary arts when he won the Red Robin Kid’s Cook Off for the Wilmington restaurant with his Cherry-O burger.

Moving into the latter part of this year things really started to take off. After much prayer and inspiration we decided to adopt. We have wanted to do this for some time now, but despite our increasing busyness we felt it was now the right time. We have felt a strong compassion for two 7 year old boys from China in particular. We feel like this is the perfect age because we wanted to adopt two boys that were old enough to play with Jeffrey when all our older kids moved out. This is a very costly adventure that we feel led to go on. We believe that God led us to do this and He will make a way for it. We are doing several fundraisers ourselves and would appreciate your prayers and support of our projects if you can. If anyone is looking for a year end tax deductible donation, you can donate to Christian World Adoption in our name and it will go towards our adoption. Just go to http://www.cwa.org/ and click on make a donation, then put “for adoption of Russell and Karen Thomas” in the memo section and it will be accredited to us. Thank you for your prayers and support in this. You can read about our process and see the other fundraisers by following our Blog. http://boysinthebulrush.blogspot.com/

Karen continues to homeschool. She also has been painting this year and will look to do more of that this year. Following in the culinary projects we created a fundraiser to help with the adoption expenses. Our “Orphan Pies” are being sold during the holiday season. They have been a big hit here, particularly the “My Heart Overflows for Two Boys I Never Met Pie” (Chocolate Delight Pie). We look forward to bringing our boys home from China in 2010.

Russell continues to work his private practice in spite of endless rumors of what will happen in the healthcare arena. He has been working on his second book and is excited to see it published in the early spring of 2010. He has been enjoying his “second career” in writing and hopes to write much more in the upcoming year. While our “farm” consists of only 5 acres, Russell enjoys raising a garden each year and the numerous animals we have including 36 chickens, 2 horses, 2 cows (actually a bull and heifer), 2 dogs, and 5 cats (give or take a few)!

That about sums up our year and we wish you all blessings and abundance in the coming year! Merry Christmas!

Christmas shopping

2009-12-17T07:30:00.001-08:00

Karen & I were out last evening Christmas shopping and enjoying the holidays. Part of our annual Christmas night out includes a quiet dinner for just the 2 of us at a Olive Garden. The hostess seated us at a table for 6 and when I got on the same side of the booth as Karen, she looked at me kind of strange and said "Oh, you're sitting on the same side?"... as if that was strange. I just wanted to be close to my wife while we ate. Is that so strange? I think not! We began our meal and as we looked at the long empty bench on the adjacent side of the table we couldn't help but fast forward and imagine what it will be like next Christmas when we look across the table at three boys: Jeffrey, Jeremiah and Joshua, the later 2 our boys from China. We imagined them seated across from us with their mixture of mischief and delight of having each other. For Jeremiah and Joshua it will be their first Christmas having a family and experiencing both the joy and magic of the season. The moment included some mixed emotions as we wondered what this Christmas was like for our 2 Chinese boys who remain in an orphanage at this time on the other side of the world awaiting our arrival to get them and welcome them into our family. Earlier in the day, Karen asked 9 year old what he wanted for Christmas. Jeffrey said what he "really, really, really wanted for Christmas was to bring the boys home". Its funny, we've never met these boys and yet they are already alive in our hearts and family.

Two Guys and a Pie

2009-12-13T07:59:00.000-08:00

Another fundraiser we are doing to raise money for adopting our two boys is selling pies for the holidays. Our family loves pies! and we love to make them. After seeing the movie The Waitress we began naming our pies with unique names that express our feelings for the event we are making the pies for, so we decided to sell pies for our adoption, naming the pies we sell to express our feelings through the adoption process. For example, we have 'My Heart overflows with love for two boys I have never met' Pie, which is a chocolate and cream cheese pie and 'Help our boys 'Banana Split' from the orphanage' Pie, which is banana split inspired. A new pie for Christmas is 'Wishing the boys were home for Christmas' pie which is a white chocolate/peppermint pie topped with crushed candy canes. This fundraiser is very fun and family and friends have supported us by purchasing pies. You can check out our page on Facebook, Two Guys and a Pie and if you are relatively local to us we would love to take an order or two and share our family favorites with your family. We also make Cheesecakes! Regular, Mocha, Chocolate and Berry! Pies sell for $15 each and the cheesecakes For $30 each. All Proceeds go to our adoption expenses.

shopping for Christmas

2009-11-30T05:39:00.000-08:00

Today is Cyber Monday so if you shop in our cafepress shop, you will not only help us bring our boys home but you will get free economy shipping on your order of $60 or more....just use this coupon code MONDAYSHIP

We have gym bags and journals for your teens, note cards and ornaments make great gifts for teachers and grandparents, aprons for the cooks in your life, and much more.

Check out our shop at http://www.cafepress.com/karenleigh

November 30th (Cyber Monday) - Free economy shipping on orders of $60 or more with coupon code: MONDAYSHIP

ASL and UPS

2009-11-13T09:47:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we went with the boys (Joey, age 18 & Jeffrey, age 9) to American Sign Language. We have been enjoying taking the classes together & we have actually gotten to the point where we can hold basic conversations with each other using ASL. The instructor has been great and the people there have been supportive. When we returned home, UPS brought us a package. Inside were 2 DVD's of our boys in China. It was thrilling to watch them sing and play. We wanted to just get on a plane and go get them today! Some of this process seems unreal but the videos made us realize that it is a reality. We will have our boys soon!

What's in a name?

2009-10-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

We've been asked what's up with the blog name, Boys in the Bulrush? In the book of Exodus, the Bible says that a Levi couple had a boy. At that time, the government was paranoid and had ordered a "death hit" on all Hebrew males babies. This one particular mother, fearing for her son's life, made a basket of bulrush, or something similar to cattails, and glued it together with tar. You may know the rest of the story, but basically the baby, Moses, was hidden amongst the bulrush in a river, retrieved and adopted into the royal family. It was a divine arrangement and Moses was raised in that environment for God's purposes, i.e., deliver His people from slavery. For several years we have been hearing children crying to us from the bulrush. We knew something was lodged in the bulrush and we have been trying to retrieve it. God was stirring our hearts to adopt. We have since visited countless adoption websites, attended seminars sponsored by adoption agencies and talked to social workers, parents who have adopted and countless others trying to decide what exactly was coming from the bulrush. Sometime in early 2009 it became clear what was in the basket in the bulrush. Just as Pharoah's daughter discovered it was a baby, a Hebrew baby nonetheless, we have pushed aside the cattails to discover a boy. Not one, but 2 Chinese boys, hidden in the bulrush! And like the Pharoah's daughter, we have purposed in our hearts to retrieve these boys out of the bulrush and bring them into our home where they can be a part of our family!

sign language

2009-10-26T06:05:00.000-07:00

We started taking a sign language class this week in preparation for raising a child that is deaf. Even though we know he does not know American Sign Language yet we are learning to be able to teach him. It was so much fun to attend the class together and we learned quite a bit on the first day. We have been practicing at home and suddenly the other kids have become interested in learning it as they watch us sign to each other and they don't know what we're saying! So now, 2 of our children will join us in the class next week and they will learn it also! We are amazed at the help and support we have received from the community support services. There is so much available to help the deaf and hard of hearing and the deaf community is very welcoming and helpful to teach us.

2009-10-23T10:44:00.000-07:00

Many years ago, Karen had begun to feel a stirring in her heart to add to our family through adoption. Her heart has always been as big as the Montana sky when it comes to babies and children. The big joke around our house has been how she will adopt anything that resembles newborns of virtually any species…thus the reality that we have 3 dogs, 6 cats (and counting), 35 chickens, 2 horses, 2 cows, all of whom started out as some little, baby somethings…oh, and that’s only counting what we currently have on our property!

Russell, was a little slower on this adoption thing. His mind was focused on paying off enormous student loans accrued while he worked on his doctorate and making plans to get ahead financially. However, as time went by, He began to get an awakening in his spirit that focused on Romans 8, particularly the part about receiving the spirit of adoption in such an intense way that we proclaim God as our Father. He began to realize that in a spiritual sense, we Gentile Christians were all orphans. We know what its like to have a need inside for family that becomes fulfilled when we meet and surrender our hearts to Jesus. It makes us cry out as a son, not as a vagabond in this world. We began to explore various options of adoption.

Fast forward to this summer, we saw a picture of boy from China who was deaf. It was pretty clear to both of us that this was the boy to pursue. We began the process of inquiry and along the way noticed another boy from China who needed a home. Both were 6 years old, both special needs kids that basically were hard for the orphanages to place. We inquired if we could adopt 2 at the same time. We began to fill out all of the initial paperwork. For a special needs child in China, a couple must receive pre-approval so we worked on the initial paperwork in hopes of being granted permission to continue the process. The paperwork was intimidating. There were so many questions that arose in my mind. Questions like, “how are we going to pay for this?” to “are we really ready to have a child with special needs into our home?” We prayed and quickly felt like it was right and that we were to proceed. That “go ahead” was and still is accompanied by several personal Heavenly promises.

October 15, Our adoption agency point lady emailed to say that China had pre-approved us. We are moving into the next phase with confidence that we are on the right track. It is a feeling difficult to describe to anyone who doesnt know, but it is similar to finding out we were pregnant in the natural. We have a tremendous sense of peace and wonderful expectation that God was blessing us beyond our wildest dreams and expectations.